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MartinH

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Age : 47
Location : The South
Registration date : 2011-01-04

PostSubject: Families   Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:59 pm

I am posting this because I'm curious if any of you have ever dealt with this, and how you've dealt with it. My wife's grandmother recently passed away leaving her with no more grandparents. They live in other state. There are two sisters who stand to inherit quite a bit if money with my wife's mother being the oldest daughter.

Needless to say things have gotten ugly with all the cousins sending nasty emails and simply being despicable to me wife's mom. This is eating all of us alive and is taking a toll. Of course, it has destroyed the family. Greed is rampant and nothing we do is good enough. It has gotten bad enough where one of my wife's cousins told my wife's mother not to bother showing up for her twin nieces birthday party.

The family is destroyed and I don't see anyway to recover from the things which have been said.

Have any of you ever been through this! And if so, how did it work out?
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LL

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Location : KCMO
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Families   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:06 pm

MartinH wrote:
I am posting this because I'm curious if any of you have ever dealt with this, and how you've dealt with it. My wife's grandmother recently passed away leaving her with no more grandparents. They live in other state. There are two sisters who stand to inherit quite a bit if money with my wife's mother being the oldest daughter.

Needless to say things have gotten ugly with all the cousins sending nasty emails and simply being despicable to me wife's mom. This is eating all of us alive and is taking a toll. Of course, it has destroyed the family. Greed is rampant and nothing we do is good enough. It has gotten bad enough where one of my wife's cousins told my wife's mother not to bother showing up for her twin nieces birthday party.

The family is destroyed and I don't see anyway to recover from the things which have been said.

Have any of you ever been through this! And if so, how did it work out?

If you want to see what someone's made of, put him into a situation where significant money is on the line. People who make decisions based on principle instead of self-interest are extremely rare.

Welcome to Earth, in other words. You have two choices: be one of the animals, or set yourself apart from them.

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MartinH

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Age : 47
Location : The South
Registration date : 2011-01-04

PostSubject: Re: Families   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:12 pm

I know. This sort of stuff brings out the worst in people. I don't even care about an inheritance. I just don't want the family to break apart but I'm afraid it's already too late for that. People really do revert to their basest instincts when it comes to money, font they?
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MisterE
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Location : Mexico City
Registration date : 2009-08-24

PostSubject: Re: Families   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:15 pm

My inlaws have been in a state of legal dispute over the inheritance of their father (my wife“s grandfather) for over 20 years. Unfortunately, they were all counting on it to make their lives better, and none really planned ahead for their own future. Now, pretty much all of it has been eaten up by legal costs and none of them talk to one another anymore. Its a mess- and it STLL isn“t resolved.

Anyhow, I just stay WAY out of it. It“s their deal and even with the best of intentions you will just get sucked in, and that is a living hell. I mean that- stay out of it.... Cool
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PipePuffer

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Location : Alabama
Registration date : 2010-11-22

PostSubject: Re: Families   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:27 pm

There is nothing like an inheritance to break a family apart. My dad fought with my uncle over some inheritance money for 20+ years and they do not talk to each other anymore. My mom basically let her 2 greedy sisters grab the bulk of the inheritance in order to keep the family together.

Recently, my dad sat us "kids" down to talk about his estate plans. It was a very tense and uncomfortable conversation but at least we know what to expect. It will hopefully limit the fighting.
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MartinH

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Age : 47
Location : The South
Registration date : 2011-01-04

PostSubject: Re: Families   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:32 pm

Jeez! All horror stories, but somehow I'm not surprised
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Harlock999

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Location : Los Angeles
Registration date : 2010-10-22

PostSubject: Re: Families   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:33 pm

I hope to give my kid all my stuff while I can still see him enjoy it. At the end, I just need enough cash to pay off some crooked captain to give me a burial at sea.
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LL

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Location : KCMO
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Families   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:38 pm

MartinH wrote:
People really do revert to their basest instincts when it comes to money, font they?

They don't revert, because they never lost it. Greedy is how 99% of humans are born---watch any group of toddlers fighting and arguing in a sandbox---and remain their entire lives.

It's the "at other times" behavior that's the put-on. Most people behave civilly, decently, and politely only because it serves their self interest to do so. Life is easier with friends and supporters. But when the perceived gain of behaving like an asshole exceeds the known gain of not alienating their friends and family, watch out.

Such sordid, disgusting, disappointing, and depressingly predictable animal-like behavior is the product of thermodynamics, evolution, and time. Bottom line: survival-of-the-fittest (i.e. energy capture) competitions are not won with honesty, integrity, and honor, but their exact opposite. And that fact is recorded on every strand of DNA of every life-form on Earth.


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PostSubject: Re: Families   Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:53 pm

The LOVE OF money is the root of all evil.

What a Face
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PostSubject: Re: Families   Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:20 am

In a widely-repeated story an Indian says to his grandson :

"Two wolves are waging a war within me. One is gentle and friendly ; the other is vicious and conscienceless."

"Which one will win, grandfather ?"

"The one I feed."

Trite, maybe. But true. No ?

What a Face
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mark
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Registration date : 2008-07-02

PostSubject: Re: Families   Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:30 am

Yup, my wifes uncle was loaded ,,,,when the time came, the neices, nephews, shirt tail relatives and everybody else and their brother hired lawyers and started squabbling,,,,my wife and her two sisters stayed clear of the mess, got nothing but peace of mind and kept their dignity.
None of the family communicates now, but in my mind it's worked out well.

All you can do is let the chips fall where they may. I hope things work out for you and the family, it's sad.

_________________
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Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
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MisterE
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Location : Mexico City
Registration date : 2009-08-24

PostSubject: Re: Families   Tue Feb 08, 2011 3:01 am

Yak wrote:
In a widely-repeated story an Indian says to his grandson :

"Two wolves are waging a war within me. One is gentle and friendly ; the other is vicious and conscienceless."

"Which one will win, grandfather ?"

"The one I feed."

Trite, maybe. But true. No ?

What a Face

I love this one!! I sent a version of this off to a friend in Chicago recently.

Most people unconciously feed the bad wolf- and don“t realize they“re doing it. We“re just programmed to think "getting what I want" is what makes me happy.

When my daughter gets angry and upset with her brother I“ll ask her which wolf she“s feeding, and she usually cools out...
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Thomas Tkach

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Age : 30
Location : North Dakota
Registration date : 2010-11-24

PostSubject: Re: Families   Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:24 am

I've had some of it in my family, though I was too young to know the details when it happened. All I know is that we don't see some aunts and uncles any more, even after a 1,000 mile road trip. Staying out is probably good advice.

What happened to primogeniture, anyway. That'd probably make things simpler, though it wouldn't kill the nasty wolf in us all.
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MartinH

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Age : 47
Location : The South
Registration date : 2011-01-04

PostSubject: Re: Families   Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:08 am

I agree that we all have the two wolves in us. But I was raised better than that. I grew in a tiny village and nothing was more important then family and relatives. Yes there were some minor squabbles over estates but we always worked out.

We are definitely staying out of it as much as we can, barring any nasty emails from cousins. But I have to tell you, knowing that the family will never be the same is stressful

But life moves on, and so will I. My favorite philosophical tenant is annica. It's the word for impermanence from the Bhuddist life view. This too will change. Very Happy
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velveteagle

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Age : 63
Location : Allegan Michigan
Registration date : 2010-07-13

PostSubject: Re: Families   Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:37 am

I believe you can't buy honesty. Nothing material will stand the fire of death. I see greed rampant among the human animals. I will give everything away I have before my flesh dies and have my ashes spent in the winds of a storm. Surround yourself with good people because the bad ones will spread their unhappiness as much as they can to secure each other in misery. Money is just a tool really.. Some people can't even figure out what life is giving them from the inside.. Let the dead bury the dead..
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Natch

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Age : 66
Location : foothills of the Ozarks
Registration date : 2007-12-21

PostSubject: Re: Families   Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:42 am

The greatest gift I can give my posterity is there will be nothing to fight over. Ain't I a great, loving patriarch?!? cheers

Being a teacher in the state that is 49th in teacher pay doesn't lend itself well to prosperity. But my tobacco cellar, it's to kill for!!!

Natch
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MisterE
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Location : Mexico City
Registration date : 2009-08-24

PostSubject: Re: Families   Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:12 am

Yak wrote:
The LOVE OF money is the root of all evil.

What a Face

I“d take that a step further. SELF centeredness is the root of all evil. Money is only an extention of the I, Me, Self.

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hobie1dog

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Age : 61
Location : Cornelius, NC
Registration date : 2010-06-21

PostSubject: Re: Families   Tue Feb 08, 2011 11:48 am

Families: I moved away from mine 2 weeks after High School, and you couldn't get them to move from that hole-in-the-wall town of nothing, if you offered them 100M each. Crying or Very sad
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