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 Perspective Change

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Growley

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Age : 42
Location : Fairhope, Al
Registration date : 2012-04-10

PostSubject: Perspective Change   Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:04 pm

Hey guys, I'm going to go ahead and share some emotion here, so for some of you this might get a little sappy. In fact, if you don't like sappy or emotion, you might want to find a good tobacco review instead Very Happy

There, you've been sufficiently warned. You guys are my brothers, and I feel like sharing something that happened to me last night that I found to be really significant.

Chapter 1. A Brief History:

I grew up in a very strict Baptist family as I've mentioned here before. I never had any real desire to rebell against the strict nature of my upbringing as a kid, because the rules I had to follow seemed logical, and I felt they were there to protect me. In hindsight I can see how they protected me in many ways. My parents taught me not to "drink, dance, smoke or chew, or go with girls that do." That's an old Baptist joke, but honestly, I didn't do those things for the most part, and as far as I knew, my parents didn't either.

Chapter 2. My Dad

My dad was always the distant type, loving but not emotional. It seemed his lot in life was to provide for us financially with little time for play or bonding. In some ways, it seemed my parents set standards, by example, that couldn't be reached, and to some extent they probably couldn't.

Chapter 3. Growing Up

Well, as I grew up I realized that responsible drinking was ok, dancing was fun, as long as it was with my wife, and even smoking was ok in moderation. I began to develop my own understanding of Biblical principals, and none of these things actually went against what I believed the Bible was saying about them. However, not wanting to disappoint my family, I never let my mom or dad know I did any of these things...even at the ripe old age of 37.

Chapter 4. A Change In Perspective

With pipe carving being such a recent and huge part of my life, I finally let the cat out of the bag...a little. My father is currently battling Cancer, so we are talking much more often these days. And I find, that with his life on the line, we are both beginning to open up a bit more to each other.

Dad seemed pretty interested in my carving and maybe even a little proud. As we started talking about what pipes I was making and so on, I assumed his interest was merely a desire to know more of what I was doing with my life, and maybe a little pride in my craftsmanship. Well, last night I was showing him some of my pipes, and out of the blue he said, "I used to smoke pipe." I think I about fell down. ...Dad was human? It couldn't be... I think he actually felt some sense of relief telling me, and I felt a connection hearing it. Keeping up "appearances" can be tiring, and I think it felt good for him to let me know. He worked at a bank most of his life and used to smoke at work, and as a kid I never knew. Now it seemed like I could talk with him on a whole different level about my craft. He told me about a pipe called an Aristocob that was popular in the 60's and 70's, and thought I should try to bring them back.

It was one of those "priceless" moments in life.

While I'd love to sit down and smoke a pipe with him some day, I know that's one of those priceless moments that will most likely never happen.










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dshpipes

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Age : 33
Location : Durham, NC
Registration date : 2011-03-06

PostSubject: Re: Perspective Change   Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:13 pm

Beautiful story, Brian. Since there's no crying but happy smiley, combine these two and you'll get the point: Smile Sad

I've always felt relatively open with my parents, but had a very similar experience with my Grandfather. He was always very quiet and distant. I didn't realize how little I knew about him until he was gone. He was also a banker for most of his life after he retired from the airforce. I find that my father is going that way as he ages and I've felt the gap opening between us. Reading your story reminds me that I need to reach out to him more before the gulf becomes too wide to cross.

Thank you for sharing!
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Ocelot55

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Location : Columbus, OH
Registration date : 2012-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Perspective Change   Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:21 pm

Thanks for sharing, Brian. I'm very happy to hear that pipes were the catalyst for a very heart to heart moment with your father. Keep trying to cultivate these moments. I really don't know what else to say, other than I love considering you a brother and hope you realize we've got your back here. Take Care.
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monbla256

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Age : 71
Location : DFW Metroplex, Texas
Registration date : 2012-01-15

PostSubject: Re: Perspective Change   Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:41 pm

I had a similar thing with my father about Vietnam back before he died. Realize it is what it was and enjoy it for just that. Sometimes the small things in life can be the biggest and best.
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Kyle Weiss

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Location : Reno, NV
Registration date : 2011-09-18

PostSubject: Re: Perspective Change   Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:54 pm

This is why I don't live in my personal past. I fear I might just miss out what surprises today has to offer. Especially in regard to family.

I hope you have more moments like that with your Dad before you cannot any longer. Cool
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PeterD

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Age : 65
Location : Hixson, TN (Chattanooga Area)
Registration date : 2012-06-04

PostSubject: Perspective Change   Mon Sep 10, 2012 2:44 pm

...as stated, its a plus that now you are opening-up with your Dad and he with you...we often let moments go like this and never realize how important they may be later on...My relationship with my father, until he passed away in 2005, was fairly open...but your story reminds me to re-focus and evaluate my relationship with my 4 sons...Thanks for sharing!
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Greyson

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Age : 36
Location : England
Registration date : 2012-08-03

PostSubject: Re: Perspective Change   Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:03 pm

As the guys have said Brian, that's both interesting and good to read, thank you for sharing it with us. It's good when you can find a piece of common ground together, its not often it comes along in my experience.

I wrote a little about my own experiences below, more than I intended really. I've put it behind a spoiler bar for those who don't want to read it - it might not be on topic, and I don't want to derail Brian's thread.

Spoiler:
 
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Rusty Mouse

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Age : 27
Location : Ontario, Canada
Registration date : 2012-01-10

PostSubject: Re: Perspective Change   Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:24 pm

This struck a note with me too, Brian. My dad had always been proud of my straight edge lifestyle, which came to an end a little less than a year ago, though it was kept a secret from him because I relished his pride. He knew I collected pipes, but assumed I did only that. A few weeks ago he came in my room and noticed an ashtray that hadn't been emptied, he simply asked "You trying pipe smoking now?", I got a little nervous but said yeah, to which he replied "Cool, I tried out your Grandpa's pipe years ago, it was gross (he's a cigarette smoker). What tobaccos have you got?". Since then, every time I get a pipe in the mail (usually yours), he shows interest to know what it is and has stories to tell about what pipes Grandpa had and what tobaccos he smoked. Made me a happy camper to know he supports me.

I'm glad your feeling this connection with your dad too.
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Growley

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Age : 42
Location : Fairhope, Al
Registration date : 2012-04-10

PostSubject: Re: Perspective Change   Mon Oct 01, 2012 4:09 pm

Greyson wrote:
As the guys have said Brian, that's both interesting and good to read, thank you for sharing it with us. It's good when you can find a piece of common ground together, its not often it comes along in my experience.

I wrote a little about my own experiences below, more than I intended really. I've put it behind a spoiler bar for those who don't want to read it - it might not be on topic, and I don't want to derail Brian's thread.

Spoiler:
 

Greyson,

First of all, that spoiler bar is cool. I've never seen that. Second, for some reason, even though I'm listed as "still watching" this thread, along with others, I sometimes don't get an email when they're added to. I only though I had one reply to this thread.

Thanks for sharing your story. When you do get your family, keep those thoughts on the tip of your brain. It's so easy to repeat the mistakes our fathers made.

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