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 I want your opinions my brothers

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Thistleoak

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Age : 35
Location : Northwest Michigan
Registration date : 2012-08-14

PostSubject: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:17 pm

ok, I usually keep my private life on the DL, but I need some advice. I was previously married and filed for divorce when I found out my ex wife was cheating on me, when I did a background check on the guy.... I found out that he was a 3rd degree CSC and that she had him "Watching" my at the time two year old son. She then got arrested for distributing alcohol to a minor and while released on a PR bond got pulled over for drunk driving out of county. I filed for exparte and got temporary full custody, from there I got FULL PHYSICAL/LEGAL custody which I hold to this day. My son is my life. After 7 years of not getting a dime of child support from my exwife, she went to FOC and complained that she was tired of having supervised visitations so I get a letter in the mail and had to meet with the mediator. well she got her way. I still have full physical and legal custody, still dont get a cent of child support and she gets to see him unsupervised every sunday for 8 hrs. While our dear brother Zach aka GuitarmyFriend and his lovely dearest Michelle were at our house last night for dinner, my son got dropped off by the "Egg Doner" he says "dad look at this" raises his shirt and his stomach, chest and back are covered in ( turned out to be Flea bites) God knows what. I immediately thought the worst and Zach agreed it looked like the beginning of measles. I kept him out of school today and took him to the doctor. Dr W asked Aidyn a bunch of questions and found out that my ex wifes dog was scratching and biting itself and that in Aidyns words that "her house is icky and smells bad" I understand a kid having to see their other parent, but I feel like I am putting my son in a bad spot every time I have to drop him off there...I need to get a hold of the FOC but I'm not sure how I should do it... I am extremely upset and I dont want them thinking I am crazy if I lose my cool in front of them. Oh and the other sweet thing that happened. the Ex wife gave me an insurance card from her work and told me have the DR bill yours as the primary and mine as the secondary and it will cover the copay for the office visit... yeah that worked great... I just had to take the 60 bucks I had in my special account ( which was going toward a Dr. Grabow) and pay the last 4 copays. Hey I paid it, he is my son, but when I tell the exwife about it she says " well thats just part of being a parent... get over it" REALLY!!!!! REALLY!!!!!! so I asked her "What exactly do you know about being a good parent" and hung up.... sorry guys... just had to get the poison out of my system and vent.... BTW please keep an eye out for me ( insert joke about me missing my left eye zach) on the web for a rather inexpensive Dr. Grabow . Well thanks again for letting me get that ugliness off my chest
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Puff Daddy
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Age : 53
Location : South of heaven
Registration date : 2007-12-09

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:30 pm

Why don't you just call child protective services, tell them she is keeping your son in an environment unsuitable for his habitation, that he was exposed and injured there, have them pay her an inspection visit, have them examine and interview your son, then go back to court.


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These are horrible times and all sorts of horrible people are prospering, but we must never let this disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to annoy and hinder them at every turn.
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Slide



Age : 55
Location : Benton, Louisiana
Registration date : 2011-11-23

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:34 pm

Puff Daddy wrote:
Why don't you just call child protective services, tell them she is keeping your son in an environment unsuitable for his habitation, that he was exposed and injured there, have them pay her an inspection visit, have them examine and interview your son, then go back to court.


Agreed.

I feel for you Thistleoak
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monbla256

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Age : 71
Location : DFW Metroplex, Texas
Registration date : 2012-01-15

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:35 pm

Sounds like you may have some grounds for changing some of the arraingments concerning her visitation/care situation. It'll cost you some money, but check with your attorney about what is allowed by your states Child Protective Services dept. as far as the housing conditions he would be allowed to be kept in. Take care of your son, there'll be time and money for pipes later. Razz
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Thistleoak

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Age : 35
Location : Northwest Michigan
Registration date : 2012-08-14

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:42 pm

I hadnt even thought of CPS... Im so mad right now I completely over looked that option. doesn't hurt that my attorney I had in my divorce is now a judge in my town either.
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Thistleoak

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Age : 35
Location : Northwest Michigan
Registration date : 2012-08-14

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:56 pm




The Stunning young man who is my hunting buddy
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Thistleoak

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Age : 35
Location : Northwest Michigan
Registration date : 2012-08-14

PostSubject: My hunting buddy   Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:03 pm



Another of my hunting buddy
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tech2576

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Age : 61
Location : North end of GA
Registration date : 2012-01-19

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:15 pm

Puff Daddy has it right. Call them, voice your concern and let them tell you what needs to happen next.

Hoping things work out in your favor. I will be watching this thread for updates.

Good looking young man. Enjoy the time you do have together, it is oh so short.
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GuitarMyFriend

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Age : 24
Location : Ludington, MI
Registration date : 2012-02-23

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:45 pm

That boy is the best squirrel hunter I've ever met.
I'm always looking for pipes brother. You'll be the first to know if I find one in good condition.
(I'd never never make a joke about 'ye missen an eye matey. Now get to swabbin' the deck, and get a hold of that bloody parrot.)

Zach
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PeterD

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Age : 65
Location : Hixson, TN (Chattanooga Area)
Registration date : 2012-06-04

PostSubject: Opinion...   Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:38 pm

..I agree with calling and discussing this with CPS...Have them explain to you what the options are, then check with an attorney. Wishing you the best in this situation...
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Sean68

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Age : 49
Location : Berea, Kentucky
Registration date : 2012-06-21

PostSubject: Family Court   Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:41 pm

Sir, family court can be very difficult when the parents are the only ones in the room. You really do need to contact Child Protective Services (or whatever they are called in your state) to have an ally. We spent years and thousands of dollars in the family court system to no avail. Then the last incident occurred, the family cabinet was called in, and suddenly the state was doing our work for us. My step-daughter has not seen her abusive father in more than four years now and has a much better shot at success in life because of it.
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PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:56 pm

CPS can take time depending on where you live so be prepared for a visit to the ex's house out of the blue. Expect a visit to your house too. You never know what she'll say to them once you flip that switch.

I can tell you from personal and family experience, patience is your best weapon. In this type situation she will feel backed into a corner and try to push your buttons to get you to lash out. It's a manipulation tactic. Don't fall for it. Do not be around her alone without your own witness. You have the upper hand, don't lose it because you get ticked off. If she threatens to keep your boy, go sit in your car and call the police. If she leaves with your boy, report him as kidnapped.

Never engage the boyfriend.

If you act happy around her she will act happy back to bring you back into striking distance only to strike some blow over some situation. Watch for that tactic too.

Just be professional. It's business, not a friendship. Be cold as ice and keep your cool. Never get cocky and never expect her to keep her word. Got a good poker face? Use it!
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Thistleoak

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Age : 35
Location : Northwest Michigan
Registration date : 2012-08-14

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:30 pm

that is big medicine Hereward... thank you
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winterland

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Location : Minneapolis
Registration date : 2012-08-09

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Tue Oct 02, 2012 3:15 am

Sad to hear about a parent who doesn't put their child as a priority. The mother. On the other hand she is his mother so try to keep from talking bad about her in front of him. Maybe someday she will come around. Take the high road and try to get along as much as you can. Of course if you see your boy might come into harm take action.
Too many couples that split up use the child as a pawn. Not saying you are, just that it does happen. Doing what is best for the child is always a good way to go.
Sounds like you have a lucky boy, having a caring father.
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Dave_In_Philly

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Age : 36
Location : Philly
Registration date : 2011-08-18

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Tue Oct 02, 2012 9:15 am

I don't practice family law (thankfully) but I don't think that CPS is actually the way to go. In most states, CPS or whatever the agency might be called, is primarily concerned with the interaction between the child and the custodial parent(s) - whether the parent(s) are fit to have custody of the child. In this instance, since you already have custody, I think your best course of action is to appeal to whatever entity expanded your wife's custody rights in the first place (my guess is that it was a family court judge). The best advise I can give you is to document as much as you can. Photos are great, the doctors records will be even more helpful if it comes to that.

For what it's worth, the fact that you have full custody and she only has visitation rights speaks volumes about you as a parent. It is very rare to see total custodial care from either parent, but nearly impossible to get full custody from a mother. Our judicial system is still significantly biased in that regard.

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PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Tue Oct 02, 2012 10:35 am

Bureaucracy 101 : "If it's not on paper, it doesn't exist."

Photograph the flea bites while they're still there. Print multiple copies. Square it with the doctor who examined your son to confirm that to the investigator (when she calls him for confirmation) (and if she doesn't, raise the roof with her supervisor -- and document it in case you have to keep kicking it up the line until you get somebody's attention). (Allegations of neglect of duty/failure to seek out and record relevant information get social workers fired every day. It's THE hot-button panic-inducing issue in that line of work. Don't allege it [see above] -- cover your ass with paper).

Start a Timeline database (date/incident/documentation) ready to print out and hand to any- and everybody involved.

Do your end right and even if they have no real interest in doing the right thing, and are secretly prejudiced against men (and they are), they will very likely be strongly motivated to do the right thing because they don't want to have to cope with the potential consequences to themselves of the stink you can -- and will - raise. NOT in anger -- in cool, reasoned, information-based, inarguable fact.

What a Face
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PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Tue Oct 02, 2012 10:50 am

PS : when the shit starts hitting the fan, whatever you do, do NOT sign any paper that turns the decision over to a judge-arbitrator and waives your right to pursue recourse through other legal channels.

If you do, you have no recourse to a hatchet-job outcome because you agreed in advance that the decision (however arbitrary and unfair) would be binding by waiving your right to file an action elsewhere in the legal labyrinth.

What a Face
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PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Tue Oct 02, 2012 11:05 am

PPS : if you can get the doctor to write out a simple affidavit like

"On _______ (date) I examined ________ (name) and found his abdomen covered with marks typical of flea bites.
Signed ________ M.D. Date _________"

and have whoever at the hospital who notarises documents notarise it, it's MUCH better. Otherwise the social worker can call three times duriing peak busy times, let it ring once, hang up and document that she tried three times to reach him but couldn't, object that your claim is an unsupported allegation/hearsay, and the phone log will lend the color of credibility to it.

I am not a lawyer. I've only seen the system from the inside. I am offering personal advice -- NOT legal advice -- from that perspective.

You should be able to find info on the internet relevant to dealing with the child welfare system in your state.

Avail yourself of that. study

What a Face
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Kyle Weiss

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Location : Reno, NV
Registration date : 2011-09-18

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Tue Oct 02, 2012 3:49 pm

I don't know eff-all about eff-all in this situation, I just think it's great you're being a concerned and decent dad, T-oak. I see too many times that because a woman is a woman, it's assumed she's a proper mother, and because a man is a man, he is assumed a deadbeat and negligent, and the system thinks this is a fair assessment (or re-assessment, if one parent or the other starts whining).

Give the egg donor hell in any way you can, good luck, and godspeed. I'll keep an eye out for a Grabow. Cool
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Dreadgerbil

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Location : Boise, Idaho
Registration date : 2012-01-05

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Tue Oct 02, 2012 4:23 pm

I have to agree with Yak on this. While I don't have any of my own kids yet, I was raised by a single father who had to fight tooth and nail for every penny and benefit he was legally due while bringing up three kids on his own. (And working full time while doing so.)
My wife also worked in PSR for years and while it's not the same she had a lot of experience dealing with various child safety stuff.
get photographs and documentation of everything. Don't be afraid to call your doctor and explain you are concerned about your son's health and want to take matters further. Ask them if they'll back you up with documentation or opinions. Don't let things slide and don't sign any of your rights away.
Avoid having arguments with your ex over the phone, email or anything. Deal with her with great respect and don't be afraid to record any of your calls or discussions. (Of course letting her know you are doing so.) You don't want her to have any ammunition against you to use either in mediation or in any reports she might make.

I wish you the best of luck in this. You are obviously a good and loving father and want the best for your son.
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Thistleoak

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Age : 35
Location : Northwest Michigan
Registration date : 2012-08-14

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Tue Oct 02, 2012 6:10 pm

Thank you to everyone who responded with words of kindness and advice. Every post was thoroughly read and greatly appreciated. You guys are fantastic.

Thanks again

T.O.
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Teadrinker

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Age : 37
Location : Birmingham, UK
Registration date : 2012-06-09

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Wed Oct 03, 2012 3:22 pm

Can't be of much help except to reinforce the previous advice to get everything in writing, be polite, nil illigitimi carborundum, and to wish you the very best of British luck!
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Anthony

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Age : 32
Location : Denver Colorado
Registration date : 2009-11-02

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Wed Oct 03, 2012 7:29 pm

In a situation like this, I'd say that revenge is a dish best served tepid.

Patience truly is a virtue, anger hardly ever gets things solved. As has been said before, CPS. You say your attorney is also a judge, I'd ask him for the advice of a trusted fellow attorney who specializes in men's rights when it comes to dependable dad/deadbeat mom scenarios. It's horrible that these days men don't always act like men and the legal system favors women when it comes to custody even if they're complete ass-hats in the parenting department.

Don't give her any ammunition to shoot back at you, it will be exponentially difficult but poker face, poker face, poker face... Smile, nod, but make sure everything, even phone calls etc are documented, photographed, and what transpired dictated. Slow and steady wins the race.

Good luck to you brother and my heart goes out to you and your little one.

P.S. What'd you use to nab those squirrel? My Ruger 10/22 is sitting by the door and begging to go outside and play...
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Thistleoak

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Age : 35
Location : Northwest Michigan
Registration date : 2012-08-14

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Wed Oct 03, 2012 7:38 pm

Anthony, thanks for your input.... I'm usually calm cool and collected but my child is my Achilles heel. as for the squirrels it depends what I feel like grabbing. My son prefers his Rossi .410 with 3 inch small game load. I either grab my Ruger 10/22 or my ol 20 GA. I also have a Winchester model 42 pump .410 that I occasionally use. Hell sometimes I like to go out with a wrist rocket, now that is freaking fun and quiet challenging, pretty much makes for a ground game.
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J Soshae

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Age : 44
Location : Birmingham, AL
Registration date : 2011-08-19

PostSubject: Re: I want your opinions my brothers   Wed Oct 03, 2012 9:43 pm

You guys have good taste. The 10/22 is my favorite for plinking or varmint hunting.
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