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 Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.

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Briarbabe

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Age : 38
Location : PA
Registration date : 2013-07-30

PostSubject: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:40 pm

Firstly I wanted to say thank you to Fr_Tom. When I joined last week, he gifted me with a lovely little billiard that was too small for his tastes. It arrived Wednesday and I was very excited to take a picture and share it with all of you, but the evening got away from me. I do plan on posting a picture to this thread tomorrow. It's a great little pipe and I enjoyed a much needed bowl of burley in it tonight with a dear friend of mine. Again, thank you Fr_Tom for the lovely gift, I will be sure to pay it forward.

Then today rolled around...hoo boy. That wonderful man that I have mentioned being my sweetie, is no longer my sweetie. I called him today to discuss a few things that were bothering me lately and by the end of the call we were no more. It was mutually decided that it just wasn't working and we both love each other a great deal, but have different needs right now that the other can't meet at this time. So in other words, the whole thing really sucks. Kind of like putting a puzzle together, finding that piece that looks like it's a perfect fit, but no matter how you work at it, you end up realizing it's not the right piece. I am heartbroken, as I've never had to break it off with someone who I was still in love with and who was still in love with me. I know it was the right decision for everyone and I do think that given some time, he's still going to be a very close friend of mine. But right now I need time to heal and let him go, which has been incredibly difficult to do...and I'm only about 12 hours into this.
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Fatman

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Age : 55
Location : Alaska
Registration date : 2013-02-14

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:03 am

One door closes, another will open. Hang in there.
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somedumbjerk

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Age : 31
Location : Palo Alto, CA USA
Registration date : 2012-08-26

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:04 am

may it be for the better. life would be very dull without the downs, they cause the ups to be that much more significant. smoke a few bowls, remember the good times, and continue to live a happy and joyous life.
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Ocelot55

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Location : Columbus, OH
Registration date : 2012-03-28

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:56 am

Sorry to hear that. I've been there before. In my case even though we loved each other we both knew life was taking us in opposite directions. We let go because we loved each other. Of course now I'm happily married.

Life goes on. Take pleasure in the little things. Don't focus to hard on the past or you'll miss out on the present.

Best of luck to you.
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jefe1037

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Age : 35
Location : West Chicagoland
Registration date : 2012-02-07

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 1:37 am

It may be a little soon... but I have been looking for a girlfriend -- just don't tell my wife.

In all seriousness, I wish you the best and hope to see yoou find happiness in whatever choices you make down the road and remember: this choice was one of the ones that led to that happiness.

Back to being less serious (but not really): I noticed you have nice legs from your avatar, and this fella must be a dummy to let go such a cool girl with stems like those
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Harlock999

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Location : Los Angeles
Registration date : 2010-10-22

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 1:52 am

Smoke that pipe, have a drink, let it hurt...
The healing has already begun...
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Dutch

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Age : 52
Location : On the road.......
Registration date : 2010-11-06

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:07 am

I have found that relationships and dating become significantly more complicated now that I am older, than they were when I was in my 20's. People seem to instinctively know when things won't work out long term, and they aren't interested in wasting time on a relationship that has too many red flags.

The great thing about the briar, is no matter how lonely things may get sometime, you always have a friend to comfort you.
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AJ

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Age : 69
Location : East of the Rocky Mountains
Registration date : 2012-03-18

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:37 am

News of a broken heart is hard to hear and even harder to endure.Sad  If you are absolutely sure you've made the right decision then don't look back and second guess yourself. Reach down and grab your boot straps and pull them up snug and with your chin up march toward tomorrow with the sun on your face determined to reach the happiness that awaits just a little ways up ahead. Happiness awaits but it's up to you to find it. You seem to be the type of lady who usually gets what you go after. Get moving...

AJ
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Briar Spirit

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Age : 49
Location : England UK
Registration date : 2012-08-30

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:01 am

You will always keep that love in your hearts and now you can both love each other even more profoundly as good and true friends, a rare thing these days I should say, certainly is in my own life that is for sure. Look to the future just as you are right now Sister, turn to your friends when you need to and indeed when ever you want to for some support, and we are also your friends now, talk when you need to, scream when you need to, laugh when you need to, it hurts now my friend I know but you 'will' get through this, I know it feels like the hurt will never stop but it will, please try to believe that, we're here when you need us. sunny 
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Briarbabe

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Age : 38
Location : PA
Registration date : 2013-07-30

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:07 am

Dutch wrote:
I have found that relationships and dating become significantly more complicated now that I am older, than they were when I was in my 20's. People seem to instinctively know when things won't work out long term, and they aren't interested in wasting time on a relationship that has too many red flags.

The great thing about the briar, is no matter how lonely things may get sometime, you always have a friend to comfort you.
Oh Dutch, this is so true. I love this man dearly, but it's just not going to work the way we wanted. Not now at least, and so we are letting go. Being female in nature it's extra hard and while I'm not the type to sit around eating hagen daaz and watching sappy chic flicks while bawling my eyes out, there has been plenty of bawling my eyes out. He has so many wonderful qualities that, in my experience at least, are so hard to find in single men around my age. While I know it wouldn't have worked in the long run, I am terrified that I'm never going to find that mix of qualities and characteristics in another man again. Which is silly when you think about how many people are on this big 'ol blue marble. Still, he really is one of a kind...and this is the part where I go round and round in circles with myself.

I'm letting myself grieve for my loss and feel all the awful hurt that comes with a break up like this and then I'm going to pick myself up and move on and spend some time working on me. If 'that guy' is out there, I figure he'll find me eventually. In the meantime, I've got my life to figure out.
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Briarbabe

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Age : 38
Location : PA
Registration date : 2013-07-30

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 3:35 am

jefe1037 wrote:
It may be a little soon... but I have been looking for a girlfriend -- just don't tell my wife.

In all seriousness, I wish you the best and hope to see yoou find happiness in whatever choices you make down the road and remember: this choice was one of the ones that led to that happiness.

Back to being less serious (but not really): I noticed you have nice legs from your avatar, and this fella must be a dummy to let go such a cool girl with stems like those
Thanks for putting a smile on my face. And yeah, he is a bit of a dummy because I'm awesome, stems and all.
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Fr_Tom

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Location : Diocese of Northern Indiana
Registration date : 2013-05-29

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 5:06 am

Things often do not work out the way we had hoped. I am sorry to hear about the bf.

Glad you like the pipe...
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Jers

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Location : Ireland
Registration date : 2012-07-14

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 5:42 am

Sorry to read your bad news.

On the upside it sounds like you guys have parted friends.....always a good thing.

Best wishes

Fraternally

Jers
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Vito

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Location : Earth
Registration date : 2007-12-10

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 5:43 am

Briarbabe wrote:
...He has so many wonderful qualities that, in my experience at least, are so hard to find in single men around my age.  While I know it wouldn't have worked in the long run, I am terrified that I'm never going to find that mix of qualities and characteristics in another man again.
You can drop that one right now, Bb. It's fear, and as the song* says...
Vito wrote:
Fear's just a feeling. It's OK to ignore it.

    *PM sent.
You can't chose a mate based on fear...well, you can, but it won't work. The only basis that counts is love. You'll know when it happens.

Briarbabe wrote:
...Which is silly when you think about how many people are on this big 'ol blue marble.  Still, he really is one of a kind...and this is the part where I go round and round in circles with myself...
Except that I don't even have to think about it to know how silly it is. And obviously you know it too.

C'mon, girl...face facts. How many women even smoke a pipe, let alone are willing to join a BB full of crazy doodz? You're Special™, kid...no two ways about it. And with all due respect to your ex, he wasn't the guy you're looking for; he let you go. The guy you're looking for never would've let that happen.

How do I know? 'Cause I've been there. I found her. I didn't let her get away. After 34 years of marriage and two kids, we're still together. I chose well. You will too.  

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riff raff

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Location : Western Maryland
Registration date : 2011-05-24

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 7:30 am

I'm sorry to hear this. Sometimes things have a habit of turning around, I'll hope for the best for you.
Nice one on Fr. Tom!
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DrT999

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Age : 59
Location : Piedmont of North Carolina
Registration date : 2011-08-31

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 7:51 am

Like the others, sorry the relationship came to that point. While it hurts in the short term, may it help you in the long term. After a few relationships like your last one, true love didn't hit me until I was 41, so never think good things now won't happen
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Cartaphilus

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Age : 63
Location : East Texas
Registration date : 2011-12-15

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 8:34 am

The main thing right now is to keep yourself busy and don't brewed on the subject. Pull yourself up by the boot straps and get on with your life. Crying NEVER solved anything nor did anybody any good. March forward and show him and others around you your not going to let this tear your life apart and that there are much more important things in life.

Now, if reading this makes you a bit mad, GOOD! That tells me you've already forgotten.Cool 
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scotties22

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Age : 36
Location : Missouri
Registration date : 2012-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 8:45 am

Bb, if I were closer I would take you out for a proper drunk......always a good distraction from the moment (I have done this countless times for my best friend....she don't pick too well Very Happy ) My mom gave me some great advise when I moved from OKC to KC with my (now) husband after dating for only a month. She said, "Don't think about the oportunity you are letting go, think about the oportunity you will miss if you don't go". Same thing applies here, ya just gotta substitute some words.

Hang in there babe.
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PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 9:14 am

Kiddo, you seemed so head over heels. That's not always a good situation. My experience has been that those that then come from left field are the worst. All I can tell you is that, down the road, hindsight will show that it was for the best. But, right now, it sucks.
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Richard Hester
Author of "My Love My Pipe"
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Age : 50
Location : missouri
Registration date : 2009-08-12

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 9:15 am

I am sorry to hear about this baby sister, it is hard going through any storm but once you cleared it and see sunshine breaking through the clouds how beautiful it is. Hang in there have a good smoke and know you are not alone all the brothers and sisters are here when and if you need us.
Best Regards
Richard
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PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 9:40 am

Count your blessings & give thanks for the impulse that motivated that talk, BB. I'm dead serious, and I'm pulling for you big time.

Option A : you de-couple now, the way you did. Quick & clean.

Option B : that $hit simmers for years until it finally hits the fan 15 years down the road with kids in the picture.

People know what they want well enough. But they often have very little idea of what it is that they really need. He was what you wanted. But if he was what you needed, and you were his answer, we wouldn't be offering you advice & encouragement.

Get drunk if that's on your list of available options. Nothing like alcohol to re-introduce you to the side of yourself you're dealing with. Get it all cried out of your system. Flushing the emotional toilet's job one. You don't want to be going around with that bottled up inside you, trying to deny or minimise it (lying to your heart), or you'll be setting yourself up for failure next time (and there WILL be one) -- taking his leftover stuff out on the next guy, who didn't ask for it and won't deserve it.

Don't worry about whether you're happy from moment to moment, & don't martyr yourself in your imagination. Once it's done, let it go. Don't keep obsessing & dissecting it past its expiration date (a big time feminine tendency). It might even turn out that it's not really as much about him as it is about the hopes and dreams you invested in him.

If you need a motto to float you over the shoals for a while, make it "That was then. This is now." Starting over fresh, clean and new, with a million possibilities ahead of you. Really. It never seems that way at the time, but it always is when you look back at it.

Happy landings, BB.

FWIW

What a Face
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Briarbabe

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Age : 38
Location : PA
Registration date : 2013-07-30

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 11:49 am

Such wonderful advice and support. I knew I joined the right forum. Thank you all. I am definitely "flushing the emotional toilet". I haven't cried this much since I was a teenager. I'm exhausted and hurting, but I know this is all part and parcel of the broken heart. I know the first week is the hardest. I know each day will get marginally better. I know that in time I will look back on this and it won't hurt as much. I know it was the right decision and it was made in a timely manner, so as to save a friendship. I'm very proud of myself for that at least, as I usually stay long past the time I should have left.
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Buckshot

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Age : 71
Location : Southeast Michigan
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PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:22 pm

I don't know if this can be any consolation, but the day after a relationship I was in ended, I met my future wife. And that was the beginning of a new relationship that ended in a marriage that has lasted a mere 43, almost 44 years. So you just never know. And I have never been happier.
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skaukatt

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Location : Queens, NYC
Registration date : 2007-12-26

PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:47 pm

Hang in there! Sorry for the platitude but things do happen for a reason and better you find out sooner than later. You never know what this interlude may bring so, keep the faith, fill some bowls and stay in touch here, it's a fine group as you have come to find out.

Happier Smokes to you!

Lou
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sand18f

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Age : 67
Location : Southern Appalachia
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PostSubject: Re: Horrible, horrible day, and a thank you.    Fri Aug 09, 2013 6:05 pm

Sounds like you could use a smile.

http://

Bill
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