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 Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…

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bentbulldog

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Age : 34
Location : Briarwood, NY (not joking)
Registration date : 2009-06-21

PostSubject: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 2:02 am

Backstory:
With our daughter now 4, we’re having to think about school zoning restrictions as well as our future goals for what we would consider a home.
My daughter’s schooling comes first! We don’t even consider apartments unless they have good public school ratings (which can be tough in many areas in Queens)
The second requirements are that I have a terrace/balcony and the spouse has a garage. The last requirement is that it can’t be far from the in-laws. (Damned be all if they have to spend an extra 10 minutes in the car but they rather we spend more money and be closer but that’s another story)
Parking is EXTREMELY difficult in the areas we’re looking into. It’s tough now where I live, I sometimes have to go three blocks (5-8 minutes) to get to my car so that I can smoke. I get lucky SOMETIMES and get a spot in front of the building, but that’s RARE.
We’re not in an urgent rush to move, but scoping the market, it’s HIGHLY improbable that we will find something that meets that criteria and meets our financial demands. Ahh Urban Living!
Again school comes first, so I will likely have to forego the terrace. If we move to this area, it would bump my walk to up to 10 minutes. I don’t mind walking, but It becomes annoying when I have to use the bathroom mid-bowl or get called up because my wife/daughter need something.

Main Point:
My spouse HATES ALL forms of tobacco! No aromatic on the planet would satisfy her. I smoke outside to please her. My daughter doesn't mind.
I’m not complaining! I’m grateful for what I have. But I would like to hear how you fellas in similar situation go about it if you have tobacco hating partners.
I’m also wondering if there was a way I can smoke indoors with minimal impact. What are your indoor smoking arrangements if you’ve managed to get to that point.
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Briar Spirit

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Age : 49
Location : England UK
Registration date : 2012-08-30

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 2:15 am

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Simple Man

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Age : 56
Location : Atlanta-ish
Registration date : 2011-10-24

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 8:49 am

I don't know, I pushed the envelope a little hard yesterday. My wife is usually pretty tolerant of my smoking, but yesterday I had been smoking Haunted Bookshop all day, one that definitely is not to her liking. Usually when she's gone and I'm smoking all day I light candles and air the house out about an hour before she should return home so she usually doesn't complain.

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Cartaphilus

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Age : 63
Location : East Texas
Registration date : 2011-12-15

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 9:47 am

Not being a married man Anymore but, certainly knowing that a marriage is a give and take thing that should be fairl and always thinking of the other.
I'd just smoke outside, as I do anyway because I don't like what smokes leaves on everything and the dirty ashtray smell. But, if your weather makes it way to hard to enjoy what you like doing I'd make sure I had a place to smoke in the winter time out of the cold. And I'd also make my spouse understand, it's NOT her way or the highway. This is each of us and we must keep things equal, fair and with understanding. Tit for tat shall we say. Wink
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Bullwinkle

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Registration date : 2010-04-03

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 1:26 pm

with a 4yo the chances of smoking inside are slim and none.. not that you should want to anyway. I agree check out the school situation that the most important thing with a youngster. Once you find the school then work the proper area for a house. a realtor is invaluable in your search.. be honest with them about price range and desires. if you're moving close to in-laws maybe they might have some leads on who is ready to sell in the neighborhood. You could probably cover the school situation if a catholic school is possible. (it's not that bad)
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DrT999

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Age : 59
Location : Piedmont of North Carolina
Registration date : 2011-08-31

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 2:03 pm

bentbulldog wrote:

I’m not complaining! I’m grateful for what I have. But I would like to hear how you fellas in similar situation go about it if you have tobacco hating partners.

Well, I live in North Carolina, she lives in New Orleans, but I don't think you'd like that option Wink
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Cartaphilus

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Age : 63
Location : East Texas
Registration date : 2011-12-15

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 4:20 pm

DrT999 wrote:
bentbulldog wrote:

I’m not complaining! I’m grateful for what I have. But I would like to hear how you fellas in similar situation go about it if you have tobacco hating partners.  

Well, I live in North Carolina, she lives in New Orleans, but I don't think you'd like that option Wink

That all depends, maybe he should.
If my lady told me what I could do and what I couldn't............well, that's why
I'm no longer married.
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Lesath

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Location : The Ozarks, well hidden and always at large
Registration date : 2011-07-22

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 8:29 pm

My wife hated tobacco smoke. In all of the years we were together, as far as I know, she never saw me smoking. We both minded our own business, but we had fun doing so. She even bought me a nice little sign and hung it on my cabinet of supplies, "Thank you for not smoking." She loved smelling unburned tobacco, particularly latakia blends; although Escudo entranced her. Sometimes, little surprises would pop up, all quite good ones for me. For someone that hated tobacco, her nose could sort out the components and figure out similarities in blends. We had a mutual respect, but we knew how to play. We managed what could have been a point of contention in a fashion that resulted in good memories. She died a few years ago, but I always smile and I remember her when I approach the cabinet and see that plaster plaque, "Thank you for not smoking." You're a team, marriage is a conspiracy. Figure it out together is my suggestion. Good luck.
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Cartaphilus

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Age : 63
Location : East Texas
Registration date : 2011-12-15

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 8:42 pm

Lesath wrote:
My wife hated tobacco smoke.  In all of the years we were together, as far as I know, she never saw me smoking.  We both minded our own business, but we had fun doing so.  She even bought me a nice little sign and hung it on my cabinet of supplies, "Thank you for not smoking."  She loved smelling unburned tobacco, particularly latakia blends; although Escudo entranced her.  Sometimes, little surprises would pop up, all quite good ones for me.  For someone that hated tobacco, her nose could sort out the components and figure out similarities in blends.  We had a mutual respect, but we knew how to play.  We managed what could have been a point of contention in a fashion that resulted in good memories.  She died a few years ago, but I always smile and I remember her when I approach the cabinet and see that plaster plaque, "Thank you for not smoking."  You're a team, marriage is a conspiracy.  Figure it out together is my suggestion.  Good luck.

This is how it's suppose to be, few marriages are built this way anymore.
Your a lucky man having had a real women by your side my friend.
And my condolences sir.
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Lesath

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Location : The Ozarks, well hidden and always at large
Registration date : 2011-07-22

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 10:28 pm

Thank you very much.

It was far beyond luck, she was a blessing.
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Cartaphilus

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Age : 63
Location : East Texas
Registration date : 2011-12-15

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 10:56 pm

Lesath wrote:
Thank you very much.

It was far beyond luck, she was a blessing.

Amen! Wink
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riff raff

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Location : Western Maryland
Registration date : 2011-05-24

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Tue Dec 09, 2014 11:01 pm

My wife doesn't appreciate my smoking but tolerates it. We've were married 30 years before I started smoking a pipe, so I accommodate her wishes. I carved out a little area of my garage/workshop for hte winter and have the patio during warmer weather.
Trying to make this work in an urban environment sure sounds challenging, good luck with your impending move and finding a solution.
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bentbulldog

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Age : 34
Location : Briarwood, NY (not joking)
Registration date : 2009-06-21

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 12:29 am

Many thanks to the replies so far, especially your story Lesath.
I think she's starting to come to a state of acceptance with my pipe smoking. If only my other environment didn't try so hard to impede the ability. I'm sure we'll figure something out.
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Kyle Weiss

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Location : Reno, NV
Registration date : 2011-09-18

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 2:25 am

That story, Lesath, belongs in a book or on a wall. Not because of the obvious sweetness or the triumph of it...no nothing like that...

...but because that tale had that rare parable-quality, gentle on the heart and tragic at the end...with all not lost when the whole crystal-clear picture of truth makes itself known by the storyteller.

I learned more about you and your character in that small paragraph than I could learn about 90% the people I'm around or interact with on a daily basis. I love you


Cool
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balkan_boy

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Age : 40
Location : Sofia, Bulgaria
Registration date : 2014-02-17

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 2:31 am

My wife hates all forms of tobacco too. Extremely intolerant. So I've accommodated one of the rooms as my man cave. Smoking is strictly forbidden in other parts of the home. Especially now when she's pregnant.
It can be frustrating sometimes, but wife is more important than pipe smoking. If smoking brings fights in your home, don't change the wife, smoke outside. But that's just my opinion.
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riff raff

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Location : Western Maryland
Registration date : 2011-05-24

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 8:15 am

balkan_boy wrote:

It can be frustrating sometimes, but wife is more important than pipe smoking. If smoking brings fights in your home, don't change the wife, smoke outside. But that's just my opinion.  

You nailed it.
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monbla256

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Age : 71
Location : DFW Metroplex, Texas
Registration date : 2012-01-15

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 9:22 am

After reading this so far and having smoked a pipe (as well as cigs and cigars for awhile) when I met all three of my ex wives I have to say, you have to ACCEPT how and what the person IS when you enter into the relationship. Two of my wives were not enthusiastic about my 759 when I was smoking it mostly but it was part of ME! I did not like some things they all did but that was THEM!! I can see where this may be a problem if one STARTS smoking a pipe AFTER having gotten married but it's still part of the ACCEPTANCE part of a relationship!! As far as smoking around children, thats something you have to decide for yourself. My father smoked a pipe AND cigars, and ALL my ex's fathers were smokers of one sort and smoked around them when they were children. They all smoked at one time or another but chose to stop. Another thing, for me at least, was I paid for two of thems homes and proprietorship brings some privileges IMHO Twisted Evil Twisted Evil
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balkan_boy

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Age : 40
Location : Sofia, Bulgaria
Registration date : 2014-02-17

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 9:35 am

Wow, this topic is going towards Alpha Male and "Pater Familias" discussion. And while it get's hotter, I'd like to elaborate my previous post.

I agree that today's society encourages individualism, and men these days are forced to make compromises more than they should normally, but still, there is no recipe since every relationship is unique as persons are unique and one of a kind. What works for me doesn't necessarily apply to you and vice versa.

However, my humble opinion is that your S. O. should be somebody that you should care for, and love means sacrifice. Bearing each other's burdens is part of the marriage. The less "ME" there is in a relationship, the better.

Mr. Churchill may disagree, but if your wife doesn't like the smell of your cigar, throw the cigar, not the wife. The life has meaning only when you have SOMEBODY to live for, and not SOMETHING to live for. Pipe smoking may be awesome, but not something worth living for.
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Simple Man

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Age : 56
Location : Atlanta-ish
Registration date : 2011-10-24

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 9:38 am

balkan_boy wrote:
Wow, this topic is going towards Alpha Male and "Pater Familias" discussion. And while it get's hotter, I'd like to elaborate my previous post.

I agree that today's society encourages individualism, and men these days are forced to make compromises more than they should normally, but still, there is no recipe since every relationship is unique as persons are unique and one of a kind. What works for me doesn't necessarily apply to you and vice versa.

However, my humble opinion is that your S. O. should be somebody that you should care for, and love means sacrifice. Bearing each other's burdens is part of the marriage. The less "ME" there is in a relationship, the better.

Mr. Churchill may disagree, but if your wife doesn't like the smell of your cigar, throw the cigar, not the wife. The life has meaning only when you have SOMEBODY to live for, and not SOMETHING to live for. Pipe smoking may be awesome, but not something worth living for.

Well spoken.

monbla256 wrote:
...all three of my ex wives...

That's really all that needed saying. Everything after that is pretty much irrelevant.
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monbla256

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Age : 71
Location : DFW Metroplex, Texas
Registration date : 2012-01-15

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 9:51 am



monbla256 wrote:
...all three of my ex wives...

That's really all that needed saying. Everything after that is pretty much irrelevant. [/quote]

Do you always make ASSUMPTIONS without facts ?
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Cartaphilus

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Age : 63
Location : East Texas
Registration date : 2011-12-15

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:00 am

balkan_boy wrote:

However, my humble opinion is that your S. O. should be somebody that you should care for, and love means sacrifice. Bearing each other's burdens is part of the marriage. The less "ME" there is in a relationship, the better.
And that goes for them also, tit for tat. If they love there man they'll stay off his fricken back and quit trying to Hen Peck him to death. Do they want a Man or Mouse? Most want
to control nowadays and have there way. I'm not saying I don't compromise, I do gladly.
I just don't do demands and nor do I give them. Wink
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Simple Man

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Age : 56
Location : Atlanta-ish
Registration date : 2011-10-24

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:03 am

monbla256 wrote:
...all three of my ex wives...

That's really all that needed saying. Everything after that is pretty much irrelevant. [/quote]

Do you always make ASSUMPTIONS without facts ?[/quote]

Plain and simple. You have two guys on this thread that I know for a fact have had successful marriages, each one, to one woman for over 30 years. Then we have you, married to three different women, by your own admission, who you claim to be ex's... so we can safely presume that death was not the reason those marriages ended. So whether it was your fault or their fault, the fact remains that they ended in divorce. Am I right?

I just would prefer to take advice from someone who has shown how it is done successfully, whether that is in marriage or a myriad of other things.



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beardedbassguy

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Age : 38
Location : Texas
Registration date : 2014-11-05

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:13 am

balkan_boy wrote:
Wow, this topic is going towards Alpha Male and "Pater Familias" discussion. And while it get's hotter, I'd like to elaborate my previous post.

I agree that today's society encourages individualism, and men these days are forced to make compromises more than they should normally, but still, there is no recipe since every relationship is unique as persons are unique and one of a kind. What works for me doesn't necessarily apply to you and vice versa.

However, my humble opinion is that your S. O. should be somebody that you should care for, and love means sacrifice. Bearing each other's burdens is part of the marriage. The less "ME" there is in a relationship, the better.

Mr. Churchill may disagree, but if your wife doesn't like the smell of your cigar, throw the cigar, not the wife. The life has meaning only when you have SOMEBODY to live for, and not SOMETHING to live for. Pipe smoking may be awesome, but not something worth living for.

Post of the year right here.
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monbla256

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Age : 71
Location : DFW Metroplex, Texas
Registration date : 2012-01-15

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:23 am

Simple Man wrote:
monbla256 wrote:
...all three of my ex wives...

That's really all that needed saying. Everything after that is pretty much irrelevant.

Do you always make ASSUMPTIONS without facts ?[/quote]

Plain and simple. You have two guys on this thread that I know for a fact have had successful marriages, each one, to one woman for over 30 years. Then we have you, married to three different women, by your own admission, who you claim to be ex's... so we can safely presume that death was not the reason those marriages ended. So whether it was your fault or their fault, the fact remains that they ended in divorce. Am I right?

I just would prefer to take advice from someone who has shown how it is done successfully, whether that is in marriage or a myriad of other things.



[/quote]

Like I said, ASSUMPTIONS and OPINIONS, NOT FACTS>
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Kyle Weiss

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Location : Reno, NV
Registration date : 2011-09-18

PostSubject: Re: Tobacco hating spouse, urban living arrangements…   Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:51 pm

There are personal facts that are surrogate opinions.

Love first. Compromise when appropriate. Communicate at all costs. Don't be an assh*le.

Relationship 101--or don't be in one.

Cool
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