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 Corniest joke I've ever heard

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Ol'Dawg

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Age : 71
Location : Northeast Georgia
Registration date : 2008-01-03

PostSubject: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 5:56 pm

What is the difference between Avian Flu and Swine Flu?

For Avian flu you need tweetment and for Swine flu you need oinkment!

Not signing this one. No
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SmokeyTweed

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Age : 34
Location : Edmonton, Alberta
Registration date : 2008-10-13

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:16 pm

lol! lol! beauty.
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kilted1
Great Scot!
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Age : 56
Location : North Georgia, USA
Registration date : 2009-01-11

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:32 pm

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS"

Source
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kilted1
Great Scot!
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Age : 56
Location : North Georgia, USA
Registration date : 2009-01-11

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:41 pm

Not as corny but funny when you think about kids:

First Time Cussers
A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"

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PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 7:16 pm

Barber shop. Two guys' haircuts are getting finished about the same time.

Barber says to the first guy : Want some of this nice-smelling stuff in your hair ? First guy says, "Good heavens, no. If I came home smelling like that, my wife would think I'd been in a brothel."

Second barber asks the second guy if he wants some.
Second guy : "Sure. My wife doesn't know what a brothel smells like."

What a Face
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Troll

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Age : 82
Location : PA
Registration date : 2009-02-10

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:19 pm

Bible in Genisis also declares Baseball the first sport. As in the Biginning
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Doc Manhattan

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Age : 39
Location : Land of Steady Habits
Registration date : 2008-05-26

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:30 pm

What do you get when you throw a grenade into a Frenchman's kitchen?
Linoleum Blown-apart.
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Trout Bum

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Age : 49
Location : Anchorage, Alaska
Registration date : 2008-09-11

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:35 pm

Caution: in-coming F-bomb!

Here in sunny (usually) southern Colorado, we had a very cool, cloudy, gloomy, rainy spring that seemed to go on and on and on... this was the joke that circulated:

"What do Gunnison and Cher have in common?"

"Uhmmm... Gee, I don't know... I give up!"

"They both used to be fucking Sonny!!"


(over-heard while waiting for an americano at the local coffee shop)
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Winslow

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Age : 71
Location : Midlothian,Va.
Registration date : 2008-04-11

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:49 pm

Two gay men were walking down the street and observed a dog sitting
on a lawn furiously licking his balls."Gee" said one,"I wish I could do that."
"Well you better pet him first." said the other. Razz

Winslow sunny
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LL

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Location : KCMO
Registration date : 2007-12-29

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 9:36 pm

Quote :

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of
the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state trooper behind him,
blue lights flashing and siren blaring.  He floored it to 100 mph, then
110, then 120.  Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing?  I'm too old for
this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at
his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.  Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before,
I'll let you go."  The old gentleman paused.  Then said, "Three years
ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were
bringing her back."   "Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
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Rad Davis

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Age : 68
Location : Foley, Alabama, USA
Registration date : 2007-12-16

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:45 pm

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
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kilted1
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Age : 56
Location : North Georgia, USA
Registration date : 2009-01-11

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Tue Jun 30, 2009 11:24 pm

God says to Adam, I am going to create a companion for you, she will love you, care for you, cook and clean for you and be at your beck and call.

Adam asks, what will that cost me?

God says and arm and a leg.

Adam asks, What can I get for a rib?
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Centurian 803
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Age : 67
Location : Oak Ridge, TN
Registration date : 2008-09-10

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:41 am

A man and his wife are walking on the beach when she sees a bottle partially hidden in the sand. She picks it up and wipes it off. Suddenly in a great cloud of smoke a Genie appears.
He tells her she has freed him from his cruel imprisonment and grants her two wishes but warns her that whatever she wishes for, her husband gets twice as much.
The woman thinks for a few minutes and says, "I want ten million dollars." The genie smiles, waves his hand, and ten million dollars neatly counted and stacked appears at her feet. Seconds later a similar pile containing twenty million dollars appears at her husband's feet.
The genie asks, " And what is your second wish?"
The woman replies, "I want you to beat me half to death."
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Tennessee Dave

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Age : 67
Location : Dayton, Tennessee
Registration date : 2008-02-12

PostSubject: Re: Corniest joke I've ever heard   Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:12 am

Razz Yep...that would work. Thanks for sharing.
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Mr. Classic

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Location : St. Louis
Registration date : 2009-06-28

PostSubject: Short...   Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:30 pm

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A brown stick.
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