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 When the wife disapproves...

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bentbulldog

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Age : 34
Location : Briarwood, NY (not joking)
Registration date : 2009-06-21

PostSubject: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:52 pm

I enjoy pipe smoking. I've smoked cigs and cigars but nothing has compared to this.
I However do not live alone. No children yet but My wife has openly disclosed her dislike and disapproval of my smoking No Ive attempted to alleiviate it in any way I can think of from a dual exhaust fan and smoking near the window to smoking candles and febreeze. Even the best of aromatics don't work. While she has told me she's getting used to it, she would still prefer I not smoke ( partially bc of the smell and part bc of the health concerns) I've tried smoking outside but living in an appartment makes it difficult and the winds are always impeding my smokes. What can I do to make it easier on her?
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Centurian 803
Long Arm O' The Law
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Age : 67
Location : Oak Ridge, TN
Registration date : 2008-09-10

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:18 pm

Just look her square in the eye and say, "I'm the king of my castle and this is my castle. I'll smoke if I want!!! ... Is it ok, Dear?" Embarassed

Sorry friend, I have no advice along those lines.
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PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:31 pm

Tough one bro.
I'm relegated to smoking outdoors or in my workshop/man cave.
Is there a smoking club/parlor nearby?
It may be time to look for a house with a garage or workshop.
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Ol'Dawg

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Age : 71
Location : Northeast Georgia
Registration date : 2008-01-03

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:01 pm

One of the main problems in a marriage is that women want the man/husband to change and men want the woman/wife to stay the same. Sorta of control thing. If you were smoking when you got married and it wasn't a problem for her to say "I do" take him for better or worse, your smoking shouldn't be a problem now.

Early in our 38+ years of marriage, me wife wanted me to stop smoking. I put her off for a while by telling her I smoked when we got married and wondered why it had become a problem. A few weeks later and knowing she has a weak stomach and detested chewing tobacco, I told her I had quit smoking and started chewing tobacco. After a few days she decided that my smoking was not so bad after all and much better than the chewing.

Jim...still smoking a pipe but not chewing Very Happy
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Tennessee Dave

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Age : 67
Location : Dayton, Tennessee
Registration date : 2008-02-12

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:07 pm

Man that is a tough situation for sure. I don't smoke in the main part of the house but in the basement during the winter and out on the porch the rest of the time. I wish you well in finding a solution because there is one law of nature that is true beyond question:

Happy Wife = Happy Life
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Rad Davis

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Age : 68
Location : Foley, Alabama, USA
Registration date : 2007-12-16

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:04 pm

Tennessee Dave wrote:
Man that is a tough situation for sure. I don't smoke in the main part of the house but in the basement during the winter and out on the porch the rest of the time. I wish you well in finding a solution because there is one law of nature that is true beyond question:

Happy Wife = Happy Life

Or, as they say in Lower Alabama, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"
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Troll

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Age : 82
Location : PA
Registration date : 2009-02-10

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:23 pm

LOOK just let her know who the BOSS is:

UM quit smoking
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pipetongue1
Tobacco Hoarder At Large
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Age : 72
Location : Abington, Mass.
Registration date : 2007-12-14

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:43 pm

Get a new wife!! Very Happy
Pacem en Puffing! tongue
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Mikem
The Coordinator
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Age : 62
Location : Glendale, Arizona
Registration date : 2007-12-14

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:11 pm

You can always tell her the bright side. Your not out in the bars all night drinking and carrying on with other women. At least I'm at home with you enjoying a nice pipe and your company.

If that doesn't work I'm with pipetongue1, time to get a new wife. I guess I'm too old to have my wife tell me what I can eat, drink or smoke. I don't cheat on my wife, drink (except the occasional cocktail about once a week), keep a roof over her head and food in her belly. I think I deserve to have a pipe or cigar when I want. Why is it a lot of modern women do their darnedest to have us be milk toast wimps to meet what they want. No wonder so many marriages fail. I'm done with my soapbox now.
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Winslow

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Age : 71
Location : Midlothian,Va.
Registration date : 2008-04-11

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:19 pm

If you have the exhaust fan and smoke near the window it should be O.K.
Maybe move the computer near the window with the fan.They are confused
about the health risks equating them with inhaling cigarettes,make it clear
that pipe smoking is a different thing alltogether and not so injurious to your
health.She may come around to acceptance.Don't leave the ashtray full and
dispose of used cleaners promptly so she can't complain about the smell.

Winslow sunny
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PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 8:28 pm

My ex wife used to like my pipes, but she didn't want me smoking cigars in the house... Long story short, I'm divorced. Now I declare myself a smoker immdediately upon meeting new people. In my area, it's a well-known fact that I am a smoker.

Basically, some good insight here; I too meet people that think they can get me to quit smoking (or drinking). Guess the best I can figure would be to find a smoking pub or coffee house within walking distance. Find a park where you can sit and smoke.

How long will you be in that apartment? Remember to find a house where you can have a smoking room, garage, or even a porch/balcony where you can smoke.

Quite frankly, I smoked outside during the marriage on my porch or car port, but it just got to hot here. Oh I got it!

Find another smoker in the building and become smoking buddies! Then you can go over to his/her place with some beer or tea and smoke!
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clueless



Location : Cincinnati, Ohio
Registration date : 2009-04-01

PostSubject: Wife   Mon Jul 20, 2009 8:46 pm

I'm lucky. We have a big beautiful house that could be a showplace. fortunately we have always said, and lived, that it is not a showplace, it's where we live. Living includes smoking my pipes and my wife tolerates it and I, in turn, tolerate her stuff. You know what I mean. I tolerate that she puts up with that d#$%b a#$ pipe smoking husband of hers.

Seriously, though, I lucked out, but if i were in your situation I would probably be tempted to restrict myself to some nice aro blends in the house and get her a really nice meer or classy church warden.
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bentbulldog

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Age : 34
Location : Briarwood, NY (not joking)
Registration date : 2009-06-21

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:32 pm

He bad news is that anything I smoke smells bad to her, and I've tried Many aros.
The good news is that since it's all the same, I can smoke my English/ Balkans and she doesn't know. Laughing I'll be sure to have a place to smoke in when I finally buy a house. I saw a special lamp at the shop, Berger lamp. Does that help in any way?
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jlong

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Age : 59
Location : Northeast Wisconsin
Registration date : 2009-07-07

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:56 pm

Women love the aroma of Mixture 79.
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Herzl

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Age : 65
Location : Oklahoma
Registration date : 2009-05-17

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:18 pm

I'm twice divorced, so take what I'm about to say with that pound of salt. I feel for you, and wish you the best, no matter what.

The main reason I write is to be clear, within myself. I'm not a Catholic by any stretch of anyone's imagination, but I think it proper to give attribution where it's properly due. In an effort to decrease divorce, and to improve the quality of marriages, they have 'Marriage Encounters' and 'Engagement Encounters.'

The bottom line is that becoming disillusioned with your partner is normal, and that through dialogue you get back to a decision to love. Both partners agree to sit down and write their thoughts and feelings about their 'issues,' one issue each at a time, with each other. Then you make a sort of meeting, with no outside interruptions allowed, to exchange what you have written and to talk about it at least to understanding what the other person is thinking and feeling. You don't have to come to a conclusion, but you do have to agree to talk openly, started by being willing to write it down before you start talking. Hopefully, standing in a commitment to getting to the decision to love.

Whether you quit smoking or not, the true test is whether the two of you are willing to effectively dialogue, a corny term no question, but the core of any lasting relationship nevertheless.
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HistoryMajor

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Age : 28
Location : Alberta, Canada
Registration date : 2009-01-11

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:17 am

Yep that's a tricky one. My girlfriend doesn't like pipes and cigars, though she thinks cigarettes are sexy as hell...go figure.

Either way, were we to live together there isn't a chance in hell that I'd be smoking indoors. Though I'd probably whittle her down (something to do with me paying for the food) it would not be an easy battle.

An apartment is definitely a difficult one...I'm amazed you actually found a place that still allows smoking as part of the rental agreement. My best advice is find a place where you've got a balcony. I dunno, in the winter I bundle up and sit outside in -30 C weather. I've smoked inside once in my life...last week in Las Vegas, and it was a transcendent experience! I love hearing the way that you older fellers have managed to get your partners to agree. It definitely isn't an easy fight for us younger ones who have to deal with the deep rooted hatred of smoking.
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PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Tue Jul 21, 2009 8:07 am

It's a fashion thing.

In 1900, they all had long hair and skirts that covered their ankles.

By 1930, they all had bobbed hair.

By 1980, they all had pierced ears.

By 2000, they all hated smoking.

They just internalise what they absorb from television and magazines.

Taking this seriously is a fundamental mistake.

What a Face
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HoosierPuffer

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Registration date : 2009-04-13

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Tue Jul 21, 2009 5:59 pm

The key isn't what you say, but the way you deliver your message.

I had the same challenge, but I didn't want to smoke inside. For one, it affects the resale value of my home. The vast majority of homebuyers don't want a house that reeks of smoke.

I smoke outside. I have a nice porch and a deck. Sometimes in my car with the windows down.

But, I also had the same discussion, but in regards to firearms with my wife.

My response was "Sorry, honey - I'm going to have guns in the house." in a kind way. Firm, kind, but letting her know I was a rock.

She fussed. She was upset. There were a few days of tension.

Fast forward several years and they are just a part of our life. She wants to go shooting with me. She likes it when I carry my pistol.

Now, listen to your wife - she's your best source of insight - but don't ever ask her for permission and need her approval to do anything. Lead. Take charge. Be kind and love her. You'll be happy. You will NOT be happy if you abdicate leadership to her - you'll end up a shell of a man and bitter.
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Bub

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Registration date : 2007-12-15

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Tue Jul 21, 2009 8:19 pm

OK, lets vote... who is giving the best advise?
My vote goes to Herzl.
Bub
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PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:38 pm

The Hoosier knows.

The magic words, early on, are : "There's one thing in this world you can do for me that I can't do just about as well or better for myself."

(Sardonic smirk in response).

"Have babies."

Once the bottom line's sunk in, treat her like a princess.

But without it as your foundation, she imagines she IS one and your life eats feces any time she's cross.

Learned the hard way.

What a Face
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jlong

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Age : 59
Location : Northeast Wisconsin
Registration date : 2009-07-07

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:36 am

Maybe his wife feels left out. A clay pipe and some flower power weed may do the trick.
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Centurian 803
Long Arm O' The Law
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Age : 67
Location : Oak Ridge, TN
Registration date : 2008-09-10

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Wed Jul 22, 2009 4:57 pm

jlong wrote:
Maybe his wife feels left out. A clay pipe and some flower power weed may do the trick.

Dude, that is sooooo cooooool. Got a Snickers? Rolling Eyes
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john-in-kc



Location : Flyover Country USA
Registration date : 2009-01-09

PostSubject: Re: When the wife disapproves...   Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:25 pm

She who was once my wife was a virulent anti. I did my best to set the briar aside.

When she showed me the door, I came back to the briar. Any future relationship will include the briar, or there will not be a relationship.
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