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 did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen

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Tim in Ohio

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Age : 51
Location : Dayton, OH
Registration date : 2010-02-23

PostSubject: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 12:17 am

The following encounter took place today in my office. It is 100% true. I fully expect that there will be some skeptics among the group, but I assure you it happened just as I am about to tell it.

I did battle with the gamest fly I've thus far encountered in my 44 years. Naturally, I assumed that my brothers on BoB would want to hear about it.

I was sitting in my office putting the finishing touches on an important spreadsheet just before heading out to lunch. In through my door flew a large but impressively agile fly hellbent on molesting me. I should mention that I'm not one who will tolerate a fly in the same room with me... even a mild mannered fly who is conscienscious enough to maintain a civil distance from me. This was one of those aggressive dive bomber flies... the kind that delights in zipping past your ear doing about Mach 1... and then turning around for another fly by.

I grabbed a flimsy plexiglass ruler from my desk and started thrashing at this thing with a vengence. Within a span of about 30 seconds I had the opportunity to deliver around 8 full strength swipes at my tormentor. None of my initial strikes found their mark. This fly didn't even consider exiting my office. He was truly committed to the attack.

About 40 seconds into the fray my aim was true and I made solid contact! The fly corpse was nowhere to be seen, but I HEARD the unmistakable "THWACK" and there was a respectable dollop of fly guts clinging to my plexiglass ruler. That amounts to a confirmed kill in anyone's book. Am I right? Or at least one would think.

My joy was short-lived. No more than 20 seconds passed until I found myself faced with Lt Colonel McFly on another combat mission... again buzzing my tower. Confusion set in. Was this a different fly? Or was this the same aggressive fly, gamely resuming his airstrike about a quart low on flyjuice?

I didn't spend too much time pondering the issue. Instinct took over and I snatched up my already soiled ruler and directed a well placed death blow right at the little fellow. This time my ruler found it's mark on the first swipe. I don't mean to brag, but it was a VERY powerful swipe. I literally watched the fly "racquetball" off of the two walls in the nearby corner of my office... GAME OVER! (OR so I thought.)

As before, I wasn't initially able to spot where the carcass had come to rest. However, I most certainly saw the fly ricochet off of TWO walls in my office. Folks I haven't met a fly yet that can live thru that sort of punishment.

Stopping to reflect on what had just happened, I felt quite proud of myself. Not 100% sure if I had just dispatched TWO flies in short order or if I had bested one ridiculously tough fly. Either scenario seemed a testament to my awesomeness. I even took a moment to do a little bragging and fire off a couple of quick instant messages to a couple of ladies in the office...
"I just took down two flies in the span of like 60 seconds... Yeah, well I boxed a little in college and studied martial arts... I still workout some to keep it sharp... Yeah, I guess 'Awesome' is a fair word to use... "

I soon turned my attention back to the spreadsheet project. Around 20 minutes into my efforts on the spreadsheet I noticed a black object sliding vertically down the length of my wall in the aforementioned 'racquetball' corner. "Aha!" I said to myself, "I bet the fly's splatted body was stuck to the wall and it just now fell to the floor." Naturally, I got up from my desk to check it out. My suspicions were confirmed. Indeed, there on the floor, in the corner lay the body of the fly. Almost mockingly I reached down with my plexiglass ruler and nudged the fly with it. If you guessed that it started crawling... you are correct. He had apparently been clinging to the wall regaining his strength. I can only assume that he dropped to the floor hoping that I wouldn't notice... planning to crawl over towards me and resume his attack from the ground. I am now convinced that it was not 2 flies that I battled, but rather a single fly... the Chuck Norris of the fly species.







Last edited by Tim in Ohio on Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hermit

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Age : 64
Location : Ascension Parish
Registration date : 2008-04-22

PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 12:32 am

Murderer. Twisted Evil
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Nitschke066

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Age : 38
Location : Fort Wayne, IN
Registration date : 2010-04-27

PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 2:24 am

That's it! I'M CALLING PETA! lol!
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Puff Daddy
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Age : 53
Location : South of heaven
Registration date : 2007-12-09

PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 7:07 am

Your co-workers will be quite puzzled when you show up at work tomorrow packin a 12 guage Laughing

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hobie1dog

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Age : 61
Location : Cornelius, NC
Registration date : 2010-06-21

PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:10 am

You may not want to do it this way, but it has an un-matched kill ratio.

Wait till the fly lands, take both hands and put them on either side slowly....bringing them in closer until they are about 2-3ft apart ( fly is still in the middle ). Quickly clap your hands together about 12 inches off the surface, thus killing the fly as it flies upward into your smack zone . The theory is that flies cannot react to opposing forces as it confuses them. This works about 90% of the time. A little messy, but if you quickly smack your hands together and back away again, it doesn't squish the fly, but the concussion effect drops it dead in it's tracks, then you can finish him off with a flyswatter.

I'm only taking the time to explain all of this in great detail because of its effectiveness and never ceases to astonish those who witness the act. Very Happy

Try it out asap. cheers
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TallSmoke

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Age : 47
Location : Sanford NC
Registration date : 2009-03-14

PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:31 am

A great story! I consider myself a Fly Ninja, once even owning the domain name flyninja.com. (That is true, believe it or not). I have caught many a fly with my bare hands to the amazement of onlookers. I then typically pull off a wing and throw them in spider webs, feed them to pet Preying Mantis' that I have been known to keep, or throw them against a wall, as I did for the ER registration clerk this morning after catching one off of her desk. Your story was very entertaining for a fellow of my fly catching and dispatching background.
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Registration date : 2008-07-02

PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 12:32 pm

Skills honed to a masters level,,,






It's amazing the things you learn on a pipe forum !!!!

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Bub

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Registration date : 2007-12-15

PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 3:45 pm

Tim, I am afraid that the battle has only begun.
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PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:22 pm

Good going Tim, do it with chop sticks next time and then we will be really impressed with your skills!
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shadrack

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Age : 41
Location : Syracuse, NY
Registration date : 2009-07-30

PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:40 pm

Haha. Sounds like a worthy adversary. Had a good laugh. Laughing
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Natch

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Age : 66
Location : foothills of the Ozarks
Registration date : 2007-12-21

PostSubject: Re: did battle today with the most formidable fly I've ever seen   Fri Jun 25, 2010 1:17 am

You need to teach your techniques to 'ol Ephrem here.



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