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 that's something my grandpa would've said...

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jhuggett
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Age : 45
Location : Olympia, WA
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Sun Sep 19, 2010 6:57 pm

My step grandfather was an ornery old SOB but without fail at gatherings he would always toast at the table. For years he would simply hold up his glass and say a single word that everyone assumed was some type of German or Russian salute. It wasn't until I was older that I asked him what it was that he was saying. His response...

"Garage Key"

He laughed his ass off when he told me.

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bruins

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Sun Sep 19, 2010 8:48 pm

jhuggett wrote:
My step grandfather was an ornery old SOB but without fail at gatherings he would always toast at the table. For years he would simply hold up his glass and say a single word that everyone assumed was some type of German or Russian salute. It wasn't until I was older that I asked him what it was that he was saying. His response...

"Garage Key"

He laughed his ass off when he told me.

it's about time you weighed in on this! before he told you what it meant, did you have some grandiose notion of what it was?
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Sun Sep 19, 2010 9:36 pm

I've worked with a few people with memorable quotes.
A former supervisor I worked for had several regular ones, like "Just do it perfect or better"
and "That's slicker'n a snotty marble".
A former co-worker used to say "That's hotter'n a two dollar pistol".
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Falconer

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Sun Sep 19, 2010 11:44 pm

My grandad would often refer to Kansas weather as "reasonably uncomfortable"
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jhuggett
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:01 am

Bruins, as a child I really didn't give it much thought. Like a lot of sayings you grow up with, you just understand their meaning but they really don't make any sense. Apparently most people didn't either because they would usually just respond the same, some might ask him to say it again so they could get it right. I think it was just out of respect because he was usually pretty grumpy and it was a sign of warmth from him. I actually felt pretty proud that he told me the truth about a joke he had been playing on people for as long as I could remember.

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Smokin' Blues

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Location : Booneville, Kentucky
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:21 am

Colder than a well-diggers ass
Cleaner than a hounds tooth
Dull as a froe
Longer than a night in jail
Making more noise than a jack-ass in a tin barn
If it was raining soup, I'd be caught outside with a fork
Tighter than Dick's Hatband
Grinning like a possum eating persimmon seeds/saw briars
squawlin like a mashed cat -- Must be a Kentucky thing scratch
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beebiz

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Location : McKenzie, Tennessee
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:40 am

New Smoker wrote:
Colder than a well-diggers ass
Cleaner than a hounds tooth
Dull as a froe
Longer than a night in jail
Making more noise than a jack-ass in a tin barn
If it was raining soup, I'd be caught outside with a fork
Tighter than Dick's Hatband
Grinning like a possum eating persimmon seeds/saw briars
squawlin like a mashed cat -- Must be a Kentucky thing scratch
Nope, NS... it's not just a Kentucky thing. I'm a Tennessee boy! And, I've heard and frequently used each and every one of those... in addition to "grinning like a mule eating briars," and "poor as old Job's turkey!" But, I think most Kentuckians and Tennesseans are cousins... at minimum!! Wink
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Lupulus

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Mon Sep 20, 2010 12:56 pm

My grandfather (a rancher his entire life) had a few good ones:

"Wow, you're about as graceful as a dump truck." (usually after one of us grandkids tripped and spilled a bucket of feed or dropped a bale of hay)

"You're about as sharp as a marble, aint'cha?"

"Put a marble in your ear and it will roll around like it was in a tin bucket."
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 7:16 am

bruins wrote:
Piet Binsbergen wrote:
Reminds me,
What does the Starship Enterprise have in common with toilet paper???
They both circumnavigate planet Uranus searching for Clingons!!!

Razz well hell, if we're going to go there: what did they find in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise? the captain's log!

(that used to be fun to tell kids. now they don't know what you're talking about.)

lol! lol! you win Bruins!!!!
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Centurian 803
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 3:18 pm

Nervous as a whore in church.
Hotter'n the hinges of hell.
Dumber'n a box of rocks.
When seeing someone with something you'ld like to have: If I had that and he had a feather up his ass, we'd both be tickled!
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 3:45 pm

Not sure if anyone's posted these:
"If, if's and's and but's were candy and nuts we'd all have a merry christmas."
Of course who hasent heard "it's colder then a witch's tit".
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 4:53 pm

As thick as pig shit!
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Nitschke066

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 4:58 pm

beebiz wrote:
Oh my word, Bruins! You just had to go there, didn't you? lol!

In response to a woman's insult that a man's penis is too small, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. But, it is impossible to expect one, single star to fill the void of an entire galaxy!" Or, "It's impossible for a single bolder to plug the grand canyon!"

"When it comes to sex, that girl's like a doorknob... everyone's taken a turn!"
Even a 747 looks small when flown into the Grand Canyon Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:00 pm

Nitschke066 wrote:
beebiz wrote:
Oh my word, Bruins! You just had to go there, didn't you? lol!

In response to a woman's insult that a man's penis is too small, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. But, it is impossible to expect one, single star to fill the void of an entire galaxy!" Or, "It's impossible for a single bolder to plug the grand canyon!"

"When it comes to sex, that girl's like a doorknob... everyone's taken a turn!"
Even a 747 looks small when flown into the Grand Canyon Laughing
lol!
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:02 pm

My brother has some good ones. When someone would state their height he would say "I didn't know they could stack shit that high." And when someone would talk about trying to loose weight he would say "I know how you can loose ten pounds of ugly fat,,,,(pause for effect),,,,cut off your head!".
Then when you get him with a good joke he would say "don't quit your day job".
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:31 pm

EJinVA wrote:
My brother has some good ones. When someone would state their height he would say "I didn't know they could stack shit that high." And when someone would talk about trying to loose weight he would say "I know how you can loose ten pounds of ugly fat,,,,(pause for effect),,,,cut off your head!".
Then when you get him with a good joke he would say "don't quit your day job".
lol! lol!
Reminds me.
One of my buddies remarked to another....."dang bro, you picked up some weight since the last time I saw you..." The dude repied, "Yea what can I say, everytime I go round your house to bang your wife she gives me a cookie!"
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Johnny

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:37 pm

When we were kids, we went to a few different churches and we would often ask what church we were going to that particular Sunday. My parents response "the round church where the devil can't catch you in the corner"

Whenever my maternal grandfather would see a good looking woman he would say, "she's built like a brick shithouse"

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petertschantz

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:40 pm

Piet Binsbergen wrote:

One of my buddies remarked to another....."dang bro, you picked up some weight since the last time I saw you..." The dude repied, "Yea what can I say, everytime I go round your house to bang your wife she gives me a cookie!"

ROTFLMAO!!!!
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SmokeyTweed

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 7:49 pm

If somebody didn't show up to an event or couldn't handle their liquor my grandpa would say they "shit the bed" or would call them a "jam tart".

If we had a big snowfall the old man would say the snow is "Ass deep to a tall indian"

When you run into someone you haven't seen in a long time he'd say "Whatcha figure?" and in return the old friend would say "The price of eggs isn't worth the stretch on a chicken's ass" for some reason.
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beebiz

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Tue Sep 21, 2010 11:14 pm

Early on in school, I was one of those fat kids that the other kids loved to pick on unmercifully. One evening my mother's father picked me up from school and I was crying because of the teasing. He taught me something that later caused a few fights... but, shut most of them up!! He taught me to say, "I may be fat... but, you're ugly! And, at least I can diet... if I want to!!!

Something done quickly used to be done in "six shakes of a sheep's tail!"

Something done slowly was done "slower'n molasses on the First of January!"

When my neighbor sees a really cute puppy, she says, "He's/She's cuter than Hell!"

When someone says something you didn't want to hear, "If I want any shit out of you, I'll pull your chain!" Or, "When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!"

"You're so dumb/stupid/ugly that we'd have all been much better off if they'd have kept the afterbirth and pitched the baby!"

"Good gawd-a-mighty... she's so ugly her maw had to hang a pork chop around her neck to get the hounds to play with her!"

Upon seeing something extremely huge, "Dad gum... that's almost big enough to plug my ex-wife's ass!"

When asked for a cigarette, "You want me to kick you in the ass to get it started?"

When asked for a cigarette and a light, "You want me to smoke the damn thing for you too?"

Way back before it was against the law to smoke in businesses, we had a barber who chewed, but couldn't stand the smell of smoke. He had a sign that hung on his mirror that said, "I see that you smoke... I warn you, I chew... If you don't smoke on me... I won't spit on you!!"
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Wed Sep 22, 2010 2:00 am

Good one Rob!! Very Happy
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beebiz

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:19 am

Piet Binsbergen wrote:
Good one Rob!! Very Happy
Thank you, brother Piet! There are none of them that are original to me. I've picked them up here and there over the years. Still, I have used each and every one of them many, many times!!

Here's another: "I'm so mad I could eat a box of nails and shit out a barbed wire fence!"

But, I never figured whether or not that would help you get over your mad!! Laughing
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SmokeyTweed

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:28 am

That boy is so quiet he wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful.

I wouldn't piss on his teeth if his mouth was on fire.(said about a person whom you don't like)
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beebiz

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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Wed Sep 22, 2010 12:01 pm

Smokey, those remind me...

"I wouldn't piss up his ass if his guts were on fire!"

"He's so quiet he wouldn't holler 'suey' if the pigs were after him!"

And, when hunting for something that's not readily available, "That thing is as scarce as hen's teeth!"
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PostSubject: Re: that's something my grandpa would've said...   Wed Sep 22, 2010 12:27 pm

beebiz wrote:
When asked for a cigarette, "You want me to kick you in the ass to get it started?"

When asked for a cigarette and a light, "You want me to smoke the damn thing for you too?"

Reminds me of a guy I used to work with, when anyone would bum a cigarette off him he would say "you old enough to smoke? (of course the reply was yes) Then your old enough to buy your own ain't ca?"
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