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ftrplt

ftrplt

Age : 74
Location : Split between Raleigh, NC and OKC, OK
Registration date : 2007-12-15

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptyTue Mar 24, 2020 1:04 pm

See above...All true!! Especially that part about spilling/dropping food at the worst possible time!! Razz Razz Razz cheers FTRPLT
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Brewdude
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Brewdude

Age : 67
Location : Arid-zona
Registration date : 2011-05-04

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptyThu Mar 26, 2020 12:41 pm

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)


5)


Cheers,

RR

_________________
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Benjamin Franklin


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Blackhorse
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Blackhorse

Age : 72
Location : Portland, Oregon Area
Registration date : 2010-10-23

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptyThu Mar 26, 2020 1:15 pm

You hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colors?


It had Reptile Dysfunction.

_________________
Council Member, Trading Post & General Site Moderator.
Founding BoB Bombers Squadron Commander, Un-Ret
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Brewdude
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Brewdude

Age : 67
Location : Arid-zona
Registration date : 2011-05-04

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptySat May 16, 2020 12:40 pm

CONUNDRUMS



AND OTHER ODD, NONSENSICAL, AND/OR MILDLY PHILOSOPHICAL STUFF:



· ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA......FLOOR.



· ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.



· IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?



· I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?"  SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.



· WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?



· IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?



· IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?



· IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?



· WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"



· WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?



· IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?



· WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?



· WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION TOILETS?  ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK IN AND CLEAN THEM?



· IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?



· CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?



· IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?



· WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?



· HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?



· WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?



· ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.



· DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?



· HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?



· IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?



· IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?



· IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?



· WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?



· WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?



· WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?



· WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?



· IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?



· CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?



· WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS READING, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY?'  THE DOGS CAN'T READ, AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND.


Todays chuckle - Page 6 710492


Cheers,

RR

_________________
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Benjamin Franklin


Todays chuckle - Page 6 Purple11x 3Todays chuckle - Page 6 Bombx10Todays chuckle - Page 6 Bombx10  Todays chuckle - Page 6 D6bddf10 Todays chuckle - Page 6 44902965465_19121c84ed_s_d Todays chuckle - Page 6 Cowboy13Todays chuckle - Page 6 4G80VIc

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Blackhorse
Moderator
Blackhorse

Age : 72
Location : Portland, Oregon Area
Registration date : 2010-10-23

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptySat May 16, 2020 12:48 pm

Good stuff.

_________________
Council Member, Trading Post & General Site Moderator.
Founding BoB Bombers Squadron Commander, Un-Ret
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Brewdude
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Brewdude

Age : 67
Location : Arid-zona
Registration date : 2011-05-04

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptyTue Jun 09, 2020 12:50 pm

A pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time to visit an elderly parishioner.

As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they continue their conversation, he can't help himself and eats one after another.

By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."

"That's okay," she says. "They would have just sat there anyway. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back in the bowl."

geek


Cheers,

RR

_________________
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Benjamin Franklin


Todays chuckle - Page 6 Purple11x 3Todays chuckle - Page 6 Bombx10Todays chuckle - Page 6 Bombx10  Todays chuckle - Page 6 D6bddf10 Todays chuckle - Page 6 44902965465_19121c84ed_s_d Todays chuckle - Page 6 Cowboy13Todays chuckle - Page 6 4G80VIc

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Brewdude
Moderator
Brewdude

Age : 67
Location : Arid-zona
Registration date : 2011-05-04

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptyWed Jun 10, 2020 7:17 pm

Mahatma Gandhi, as everyone knows, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a
---ready?--- super-callused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.

5)


Cheers,

RR

_________________
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Benjamin Franklin


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Ozark Wizard

Ozark Wizard

Age : 56
Location : Mark Twain National Forest, MO
Registration date : 2014-10-11

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptyThu Jun 11, 2020 12:50 am

Brewdude wrote:
Mahatma Gandhi, as everyone knows, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet..  He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a
---ready?--- super-callused  fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.

5)


Cheers,

RR

lol!
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MisterE
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MisterE

Location : Mexico City
Registration date : 2009-08-24

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptyThu Jun 11, 2020 7:46 pm

lol!
Quote :
super-callused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.
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Brewdude
Moderator
Brewdude

Age : 67
Location : Arid-zona
Registration date : 2011-05-04

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PostSubject: Re: Todays chuckle   Todays chuckle - Page 6 EmptySun Sep 13, 2020 5:54 pm

Subject: They Walk Among Us


I was at the checkout of a local Walmart.
The cashier rang up $46.64 charges.
I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.
I gave the money back to her and told her that she
had made a mistake in MY favor.
She became indignant and informed me she was educated and
knew what she was doing, and she returned the money again.
I gave her the money back -- same scenario!
I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us! .....

I walked into a Starbucks with a
buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.
I handed it to the girl and she looked over at
a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.'
"They're already buy-one- get-one-free," she said,
"so I guess they're both free."
She handed me my free lattes, and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us! .....

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends,
when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and asked, "Where?"

They Walk Among Us! .....

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north; because, he explained,
he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East,
and has for sometime; she shook her head and said,
"Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."

They Walk Among Us!! .....

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked
what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open
24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They Walk Among Us! .....

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us! .....

My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticed
that the cases were discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, we bought two cases.
The cashier multiplied two times 10%
and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us! .....

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area,
so I went to the lost luggage office and
told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional, and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
So I replied, "No Ma'am, The Pilot told us we're circling the airport, 3rd in line to land" .....

They Walk Among Us! .....

While working at a pizza place, I observed
a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone, and the cook asked him
if he would like it cut into four pieces or six..
He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into four pieces.
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat six pieces."

Yep, they walk among us.... bless their hearts 😊😊😊


Cheers,

RR

_________________
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Benjamin Franklin


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