I watched the first 35 minutes of The Northman. Like Vikings on the History Channel, there's almost no story, and they don't earn the jumps from one thing to the next as they're not telling one. More time spent on single costumes and goofy ceremonies/rituals than telling a story. As if they're doing editorial photo shoots for a Viking Vogue magazine rather than telling a tale. I really wish this type of movie was mostly unknown actors, or at least B-list actors who aren't readily known. I didn't buy Ethan Hawke or Nicole Kidman in either role. Or Willem Defoe or Skarsgard. I'm as desperate for anything vikings and fantasy as anyone...truly...but cool costumes and sensationalized rituals aren't enough. I want a story. I want jumps in time or changes in character to be earned. I'd give specific examples of wasted time in just the 35 minutes, but I don't want to spoil it for anyone. I'll likely finish this in a couple more small segments. It's not very good. Rotten Tomatoes audience score was 64% when I looked. It makes sense, and that might even be higher than I'd score it.
