Bub":08we4k84 said:
OK...what is dumpster chili?
Glad you asked!
A few years back, I made prize-winnin' "Dumpster Chili."
It consisted of a strange combination of exotic meats (meaning, exotic to my memory as I had forgotten them, and it was some venison and elk that got shoved waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the freezer...whoops)... a few cans of actual, genuine dumpster-dove white navy beans and black-eyed peas. The labels were ripped off and they had no idea what they were. Same thing with the fire-roasted tomatoes I found. In addition, there were these crop-raided chili peppers I got from this house in the neighborhood that went into foreclosure or something... the garden was dying, so I watered it a few times in my walking travels just to see if it'd survive... well, it did, so I helped myself to the bounty. Dried 'em out, saved 'em for just such an occasion!
A few spices, a can of beer I begged from a neighbor, some liquid smoke and a Presto pressure cooker someone was throwing out (no idea why, nothing wrong with it, just old...) some time and voila, dumpster chili.
You're probably asking yourself now, "Okay, Kyle, you're a weirdo, we're gathering this... why are you trash diving for stuff?"
Long ago in a far away land, one which shall be known as adolescence, I had a really hard time. So hard, it required me to do many things to survive. Not all of them have fully left me, and until recently, were still somewhat in practice (especially the food searching). I never liked the idea of food stamps or the food bank (being homeless makes you really hate homeless people) so I became a survivalist. My mother's side of the family has a history of junk collecting, and I'm no different, I simply justify it by collecting what I deem "functional." Now a days I do it a bit more traditionally, but not much. People moving out (or even moving in) are great curbside freebies, I love garage sales, flea markets, thrift and consignment stores. As much as I like to live the good life, have excellent taste, fancy myself a do-it-yourself intellectual, I can't forget where I came from. (I call it "sophistitrash.")
The chili contest in question came about from one of my father's friends, who unfortunately died in a motorcycle accident about a year ago (damn shame, the guy was rad), and I was invited to join in, the host knowing I was a culinary devotee and "foodie." Well, first place out of thirty entries. All the guys were home brewers and pretty well off financially, so of course I snickered a little at the oohs and ahhs over my creation. No, I didn't tell them. Nor did I serve anything that would have harmed anyone--just acquired my ingredients from unique sources. Isn't that what a good cook does?
"Dumpster Chili" was not the name I gave it until well after the event was over. I didn't even tell my father, who thought it was quite funny.
Yes, it really was that good. Nope, I don't remember the recipe, many of those are one-shot deals, anyway.
I know, I spin good yarns, but there's no hyperbole in my stories--I have led one interesting life. I'm gonna be real interesting 30 and 60 years from now. "Eccentric," will pale in comparison, I fear. Sheesh.
