Briar Spirit
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- Joined
- Aug 30, 2012
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Not really sure what this means for me or why I am posting about it to be honest, can't really talk to anyone in my actual life about it because, well I don't have any friends and the few friends I have made on the net over time I always manage to turn against me in one way or another, I'm a head-case and folk get pretty sick of me pretty quick.
Anyhooo, I had a fall in the shed a couple of days ago, was still recovering from stabbing myself through the hand with a chisel and was impatient to get back out in the shed, I get bored real easy and when I do I get all tetchy, as crappy as I am at it I have found making pipes very therapeutic to say the least and it gave me a sense of purpose which truly lifted my spirits. Cut a long story short, I tripped backwards in the shed and fell over the chair landing awkwardly on my shoulders/neck, oddly I heard a weird popping noise in my lower back and felt what I can only describe as an excruciating lightning storm flash through my torso. After laying out in the garden for a couple of hours, couldn't manage to move, the Mrs got back home and helped me into the house and on to the sofa, there I stayed for a very long while, gritting my teeth so hard I swear they were about ready to crack.
I rested for a good long spell and today I was so frustrated with not having anything to take my mind off the torrent of crapolla in my head I tried my luck out in the shed, I had managed to make something clunk in my lower back earlier today and the pain subsided massively so I figured all was well and it was time to stop babying myself. I don't know quite what was wrong out in the shed, I couldn't grip anything properly, my hands just seemed to have no strength in them at all, I got a weird headache whilst in the shed and was seeing lots of weird white lights flitting around all over the place, yup, I collapsed in the shed. I came to and was confronted by two ambulance folk and I was on my way to hospital, they did some x-rays but found nothing out of sorts other than the massive calcium build up on my spine from a past injury and was discharged with advice to take some aspirin.
Still can't grip anything much, I can just about manage to grip a coffee mug but it doesn't feel very stable in my hands, seems I am of no consequence because my medical records state I have mental health problems and have been a self-harmer, yeah, I get those looks in hospital that tell me they think I did it on purpose, shows how much understanding they have about mental health problems. Nothing new there is the simple fact, I had a mild stroke about 6 years ago, my GP at the time told me that the symptoms being described were those of someone on cocaine, well of course I wasn't but 3 hours later I was rushed into hospital after suffering a stroke, more "he's a mental case and a self harmer and we don't need to take him seriously" crapolla. Bottom line for me is it seems my days of being a pipe maker are over, the Mrs has done her magic on researching on the net and the sort of injury I have managed to get myself is nerve damage and isn't the sort of thing that just gets better, looks like I'll never be able to grip anything properly ever again, just wish it would stop hurting so much and make no mistake, I'm pretty darn good at tolerating pain but the waves of pain are making my stomach turn. My current GP is a total waste of space, even though he has seen the bruising and knows I have been to hospital he has informed us that until I start taking responsibility for my own actions and stop intentionally hurting myself there isn't much he can do to help me.
Sucks to be me right now, oh well, I've had my little cry session and have had my go at feeling sorry for myself, sorry to have bored you all with my trivial crapolla, just needed to actually get this out of my system before it drives me totally nuts.
Anyhooo, I had a fall in the shed a couple of days ago, was still recovering from stabbing myself through the hand with a chisel and was impatient to get back out in the shed, I get bored real easy and when I do I get all tetchy, as crappy as I am at it I have found making pipes very therapeutic to say the least and it gave me a sense of purpose which truly lifted my spirits. Cut a long story short, I tripped backwards in the shed and fell over the chair landing awkwardly on my shoulders/neck, oddly I heard a weird popping noise in my lower back and felt what I can only describe as an excruciating lightning storm flash through my torso. After laying out in the garden for a couple of hours, couldn't manage to move, the Mrs got back home and helped me into the house and on to the sofa, there I stayed for a very long while, gritting my teeth so hard I swear they were about ready to crack.
I rested for a good long spell and today I was so frustrated with not having anything to take my mind off the torrent of crapolla in my head I tried my luck out in the shed, I had managed to make something clunk in my lower back earlier today and the pain subsided massively so I figured all was well and it was time to stop babying myself. I don't know quite what was wrong out in the shed, I couldn't grip anything properly, my hands just seemed to have no strength in them at all, I got a weird headache whilst in the shed and was seeing lots of weird white lights flitting around all over the place, yup, I collapsed in the shed. I came to and was confronted by two ambulance folk and I was on my way to hospital, they did some x-rays but found nothing out of sorts other than the massive calcium build up on my spine from a past injury and was discharged with advice to take some aspirin.
Still can't grip anything much, I can just about manage to grip a coffee mug but it doesn't feel very stable in my hands, seems I am of no consequence because my medical records state I have mental health problems and have been a self-harmer, yeah, I get those looks in hospital that tell me they think I did it on purpose, shows how much understanding they have about mental health problems. Nothing new there is the simple fact, I had a mild stroke about 6 years ago, my GP at the time told me that the symptoms being described were those of someone on cocaine, well of course I wasn't but 3 hours later I was rushed into hospital after suffering a stroke, more "he's a mental case and a self harmer and we don't need to take him seriously" crapolla. Bottom line for me is it seems my days of being a pipe maker are over, the Mrs has done her magic on researching on the net and the sort of injury I have managed to get myself is nerve damage and isn't the sort of thing that just gets better, looks like I'll never be able to grip anything properly ever again, just wish it would stop hurting so much and make no mistake, I'm pretty darn good at tolerating pain but the waves of pain are making my stomach turn. My current GP is a total waste of space, even though he has seen the bruising and knows I have been to hospital he has informed us that until I start taking responsibility for my own actions and stop intentionally hurting myself there isn't much he can do to help me.
Sucks to be me right now, oh well, I've had my little cry session and have had my go at feeling sorry for myself, sorry to have bored you all with my trivial crapolla, just needed to actually get this out of my system before it drives me totally nuts.