My favorite cartoon/joke what's yours?

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Falconer

Falconer

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A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
 
A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'

Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat'

'What does that mean?' asked the child.

'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.'

He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash..

Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'



You'll love this!!!!!!!!!)...............



The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'



 
Muddler":bpjykw1z said:
A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'

Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat'

'What does that mean?' asked the child.

'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.'

He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash..

Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'



You'll love this!!!!!!!!!)...............



The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
Click to expand...
Absolutely hilarious, thanks!
 
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. As he sips the beer, he hears a soothing voice say "Nice tie!" Looking around, he sees that the bar is empty except for himself and the bartender wiping glasses at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice says "Wow, beautiful shirt."

At this, the man calls the bartender over. "Hey...I must be losing my mind," he says. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts," answers the bartender.

"Say what?"

"You heard me," said the barkeep. "It's the peanuts ... they're complimentary."


:D Ba-doom-psshhh!
 
This was actually my mom's favorite joke.

A little boy is standing on a corner. Coming down the block are two little girls pushing a wagon with a sign on it that reads "We Move Anything." The little boy looks at the first little girl and says "We move anything, huh? " She says, "Yes we do." He says, "So, let's see you move my bowels." She turns to the other little girl and says, "You write him out a receipt, while I slap the shit out of him."
 
2 lesbian frogs are sitting on a Lilly pad

One Lesbian frog looks at the other and says "You know, we do taste like chicken."

:p
 
Where does a mummy go when his back hurts? To the Cairo-practor.

What does a Frenchman do on a bathroom break if he's had nothing to drink? Pierre.
 
i was wanting to post my favorite joke of all time, a real killer, but it's lost to me now. anyway, this is pretty good, and fun to tell to kids.

you know what happened to the indian who drank a whole gallon of tea at dinner?

he drowned in his tea pee!

 
These three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop! Terrified, the friars did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

 
Did you hear about the termite that walked into the saloon and asked, "is the bar tender here?"
 
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walked into a bar,,,the bartender looked at them and said "Is this a joke?"
 
There was this man that went parachuting for the first time. He jumped out of the plane and pulled the rip cord, nothing happened. He frantically pulled the emergency cord, still nothing happened. He was about to give up when suddenly a man came shooting right up past him like a rocket.
"Hey!" he shouted to him, "do you know anything about parachutes?"
"No!" replied the man, "do you know anything about gas stoves?'
 
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