A few more---
Brenda O'Malley is home as usual, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ye." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ye, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me...""Sure and I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Brenda reached a hand out to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace,pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda......no."
"No?"
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
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An English man and an Irish man get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road.
English man says, "What a wreck!"
The Irish man asks him, "Are you all right, sir?"
The English man responds, "Just a little shaken."
The Irish man pulls a flask of of Jameson whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."
The English man takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"
"Well," the Irish man says, "I don't know what you'll be telling' them, but I'll be telling' them I wasn't the one drinking."
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A Irishman is drinking in a Savannah bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds!
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Irishman just shrugs, "That's about average in Ireland, folks...like I said my boy's a typical Irish baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later the Irishman returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.......so how much does he weigh now?"
The Irish father replies, " He now weighs 17 pounds.
Everyone moans and and the bartender finally asks, "What happened? Is he all right?
The Irish father takes a slow swig from his Guinness, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised!"
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Q: How can you tell the Irish fella in the hospital ward?
A: He's the one blowing the foam off of his bed pan.
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 11 - One to hold the light bulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins!
