2 weeks of hell, I miss my pipes...

[Nick Fox]

Sorry I've been gone so long brothers. I lost my Internet and wasn't able to keep it going. I landed a job at the local wallgreens on graveyard shift... and 2 weeks ago my world went to hell... my wife and I were in counceling and I thought things were getting better. I was at work sat night/sun morning and the cops came in to see me. They asked me if I was having family problems and that someone had called because they thought I was a danger to myself. I said I was fine. They left. I took my last break early and called Mrs Fox. She said she called them, when I asked why... she told me that when I got home, she wouldn't be there and she was taking the boy with her. I begged, pleaded and cried. She didn't change her mind. I left work early and got home to a ransacked appartment. I didn't sleep. Monday I got home to an inspection notice. I told the appartment manager what had happened, she said to clean as best I could but that if it wasn't clean enough I would get a 3 day eviction notice. Again I missed work and didn't sleep. I cleaned from 3:30pm mon to 7:30am ties. The inspection came at 8am. I failed... I slept for a couple hrs tues.
night went home wed morning to find a 3 day eviction posted to my door. Because of the laws here in ca, I got a continuance on my 3 days... because my 3rd day landed on sat I had it carry over into mon. I slept 8hrs Thursday night got up fri morning and didn't sleep until ties morning. I tried to save as much as I could but I was working alone. My sister, 5 days late in her pregnancy, drove her van. I packed my wife's things and my son's things before I worked on mine... I don't really regret the loss of my things... I'm more sad for the things I didn't have time to save, like our wedding china. I was able to save the antique furniture and the 3000$$$ memeryfoam mattress. In 5 days I lost my marriage, my son and my home. I'm currently staying with my sons godparents but only long enough to wipe out my debts and get funds together to get a new place. Due to space at my new dwelling place, everything that's in storage stays in storage... this includes my pipes and tobac. I wont see my 3lds o' tobac or my pretty pipes for 5mnths. The wifey is adamant about divorce and doesn't want to work it out, says she don't love
me anymore. I'm hopeful she'll see reason and change her mind but she's a stubborn little fireball... Irish and Japanese and if I push her she'll go Mt Fiji on me in a heartbeat. This is byfar the $h!ty3$t situation I have ever been in. Either way I loose... I give her the distance she wants, she drifts away. I don't give her that... then I'm smothering her and being pudgy and she drifts away. Since ties I have been getting regular sleep though.

 

[Fr_Tom]

Whoa - tough place to be, brother. I am so sorry to read all this.

I am glad you have some friends to stay with.

Blessings... Tom

 

[Hiram-2011]

Wow that's a lot to go through. I wish you the best in getting through it and send you my thoughts and prayers.

 

[RDPipes]

Believe it or not Nick I've been there, it hurt something fierce but, I got over it and got my life right. If I were you I'd just walk the other way, you need to get YOUR life straighten out and a roof over your head and you certainly don't need drama from a wife that doesn't seem to care much about you right now. Get your mind straight and keep your wits together, you need to work and you need a roof over your head that you provide yourself with, get independent and life will smooth itself out. If she is anybody she'll most likely come back but, it'll be up to you if you want her back after the way she's kicked you to the curb.

 

[Brewdude]

Brother, that is just awful beyond belief.

Hang in there, take it one day at a time, and seek counsel in those you know and trust. I'd also get in touch with a good lawyer if I was in your place. And don't do anything rash.

All this might sound cliché, but it's the best I can offer right now. And don't hesitate to vent here if you need to. Some of us have been in your position, more or less.

Take good care Nick.


Cheers,

RR

 

[smg913]

Holdfast friend, I am so sorry to hear this. Everything will work out in the end

 

[Fatman]

Some pretty devastating news! A lot of good advice given already, all I can add is make sure to take care of you.

 

[Nick Fox]

Thanks guys. I'm honestly still surprised that I still have a job. I'm currently sitting in a starbucks with my kindle killing time. I'm meeting with a pastor who's been like an angel on my shoulder through all this mess... checking on me to remind me to eat and sleep, praying with and for me & mine during all this. While waiting for him, I bumped into the head pastor... he knows me and the Mrs, but nobody filled him in. When he found out I was meeting his associate, he asked me if I'd eaten yet, then he bought me dinner. I'm surrounded by good relationships who are stepping up and all I can do is cry for my wife because she doesn't have that! I greive for my 2yr old boy, Caleb. He doesn't understand why his world is ... I mean, he has no clue, he just knows somethings wrong. I just feel confused most of the time, like I don't know how I'm sposed 'ta feel or respond to things. I feel like crying for what I've lost, she's more than my wife, she's my best friend, my companion, my lover, my confidant, my partner in crime... I've known her for 16yrs, we've been together for 5yrs and married for 4yrs. Our son is 2 and he's going to be the one who looses the most out of this. Already he's not seeing his cousins, grandparents and me... he doesn't get to go to Sunday school anymore or see kids his own age, and it's only been 2wks!!! I'm chain smoking like a stove pipe... I feel like a total wreck. To top it off, my wife's Gran died sat. We were both close to her. I was invited to the funeral but I can't greive with the family... they want me to keep my distance. And my pregnant sister had her baby on my wife's birthday... Rhiannon wanted to see "our" nefew. She confuses me with language like that since she says she doesn't love me and wants nothing to do with me in a relationship. Talk about mixed signals! I just feel anxiety most days now... that and depression. I miss my wife. I miss my son. I miss our happy home. And I hate that I can't see my beautiful pipes and tobacco for the next 5 months!!! I just got my first Pete in February and I haven't even really broken it in yet, and I don't know how well the tobaccos gonna keep in mason jars in a non refrigerated storage in Sacramento peak heat summer conditions. This SUCKS and I only see it getting worse with time.

 

[Fr_Tom]

Nick... This may not be much comfort, but PM me an address and the types of things you like to smoke. I can get out a care package with a cob and a pouch of something. Blessings...

 

[RDPipes]

When things like this happen we always think it's the end of it ever getting back to normal and being happy once more, It Aint True! Every obstacle in our lives teaches us how to deal with things and as they say, "Only makes us stronger." You'll get through this with or without your wife and things will be even better then before. If I were you and I have been, I'd keep my eyes pointed forward and do what you have to do for You. Most important is to get your wife off your mind and concentrate on making a living and being happy about what you have. The other will come around if it's suppose to be. And by all means pray and not asking for things back you've lost. But for strength to deal with your problem at hand and getting your life straight without others! Trust me when I say, the sooner she sees you can live without her the quicker she'll want to come back.  

 

[pepesdad1]

You've got the best advice I could think of right here in these few passages.
Cart is right, and I can't stress enough....YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU.  You have to love yourself before anything can take place...so start working on that and then follow everybodys advice here.

 

[DrT999]

Believe it or not Nick I've been there, it hurt something fierce but, I got over it and got my life right. If I were you I'd just walk the other way, you need to get YOUR life straighten out and a roof over your head and you certainly don't need drama from a wife that doesn't seem to care much about you right now.

Like Cart, I went through much the same thing in 1991 -- I thought we were moving together to New Orleans, where I had landed a job after being out of work for a year. When I got back to Florida from taking a carload of office stuff, I was told it was over. I managed one more carload, and my folks picked up some stuff, but I lost more than the marriage. The breakup took quite a bit of time to get over, but I managed. Granted, your situation is worse because of your son, but I doubt much is salvagable other than, hopefully, your relationship with him.

In any case, best of luck! I hope you get your life back together soon

 

[MichaelM]

Nick...   This may not be much comfort, but PM me an address and the types of things you like to smoke. I can get out a care package with a cob and a pouch of something. Blessings...

I'll second Fr Tom's offer Nick. I know its not much, but just send a pm.
You've gotten a lot of good advice, and I believe the most important is to focus on yourself in the context of friends and faith. As imposible as it seems, these feelings will pass and you have a full and wonderful life ahead waiting to be discovered. You are in control of that and you have to work hard to not allow these past events to get in the way. Take care, and know you have a lot of prayers.
Mike.

 

[Clay]

When things like this happen we always think it's the end of it ever getting back to normal and being happy once more, It Aint True! Every obstacle in our lives teaches us how to deal with things and as they say, "Only makes us stronger." You'll get through this with or without your wife and things will be even better then before. If I were you and I have been, I'd keep my eyes pointed forward and do what you have to do for You. Most important is to get your wife off your mind and concentrate on making a living and being happy about what you have. The other will come around if it's suppose to be. And by all means pray and not asking for things back you've lost. But for strength to deal with your problem at hand and getting your life straight without others! Trust me when I say, the sooner she sees you can live without her the quicker she'll want to come back.  

This worked for me about 7 years ago. When I truly felt that my happiness AND my wife's happiness may not be with each other, things came back together fast. I believe once you get your strength and confidence others will see it. Be strong my friend. You come first right now, get your mind straight,  without that you can't go forward very well. Help from above is the key.

 

[Fr_Tom]

Tracking tells me something arrived for you today...

 

[Nick Fox]

Yes sir, I did! I was totally shocked... I cried for 45min, which to me feels like a miracle. I have "issues" with crying... my body doesn't cry when I feel like it, such as when my great Grampa died. I wanted to cry but I couldn't ... it left me feeling isolated from my family since I couldn't greive with them. Sorry an update is coming so late... thelma's funeral was Saturday and the burrial was Monday. Though she was my wife's grandmother, she sure went out of her way to welcome me into the family. She always gave me such sound advise. I miss her now too. Her's would be a voice of reason in an insane situation... I feel so wiped out and tired. I'm sorry if I scared you guys... I will do my best to check in regularly and keep you guys posted on the situation as it continues...

 

[RDPipes]

Yes sir, I did! I was totally shocked... I cried for 45min, which to me feels like a miracle. I have "issues" with crying... my body doesn't cry when I feel like it, such as when my great Grampa died. I wanted to cry but I couldn't ... it left me feeling isolated from my family since I couldn't greive with them. Sorry an update is coming so late... thelma's funeral was Saturday and the burrial was Monday. Though she was my wife's grandmother, she sure went out of her way to welcome me into the family. She always gave me such sound advise. I miss her now too. Her's would be a voice of reason in an insane situation... I feel so wiped out and tired. I'm sorry if I scared you guys... I will do my best to check in regularly and keep you guys posted on the situation as it continues...

I don't think any of us were scared per say but, more concerned that this twist in your life was going to consume you and that you might not see the big picture and know what you had to do. I didn't mean to sound harsh or critical when I posted earlier but, I know how this sort of thing can really control a persons actions and drive them to self destruction. We all want to make sure your pointed in the right direction to improve your life and not loose self worth by standing tall when everything (or at least when it feels that way) is falling around you. I pray and wish you well in the days ahead sir.   

 

[Nick Fox]

So I've told her that I cannot afford to pay for two households, diapers, wipes and such... we had worked out a deal that as she has no income and is on food stamps, and I have a moderate minimum wage income... that we would have an equivalent exchange. I give her diapers and wipes, she gives me food for the boy in equal value. Surprise surprise, she didn't hold up her end of the deal! I told her that I cannot afford to buy for both so she needed to make a deal with someone else... she went nuclear!!! Started cussing me out, etc... etc... I hung up on her and sent her a text stating that I don't have to deal with that anymore. She accused me of abandoning my responsibilities to our son, to which I replied, no I'm not. When he is with me he has what he needs and that when he is with you, you have responsibilities and that's on you. If you need money, the answer is simple... get a job. I will not enable you, you need to grow as an adult and a mother. There are consequences for the choices you have made and as much as I want to, I cannot shield you from them.

That being said, what are your thoughts on this brothers? Was I wrong?

 

[RDPipes]

So I've told her that I cannot afford to pay for two households, diapers, wipes and such... we had worked out a deal that as she has no income and is on food stamps, and I have a moderate minimum wage income... that we would have an equivalent exchange. I give her diapers and wipes, she gives me food for the boy in equal value. Surprise surprise, she didn't hold up her end of the deal! I told her that I cannot afford to buy for both so she needed to make a deal with someone else... she went nuclear!!! Started cussing me out, etc... etc... I hung up on her and sent her a text stating that I don't have to deal with that anymore. She accused me of abandoning my responsibilities to our son, to which I replied, no I'm not. When he is with me he has what he needs and that when he is with you, you have responsibilities and that's on you. If you need money, the answer is simple... get a job. I will not enable you, you need to grow as an adult and a mother. There are consequences for the choices you have made and as much as I want to, I cannot shield you from them.

That being said, what are your thoughts on this brothers? Was I wrong?

I think you said and did the right thing. Sounds like she just wanted to sponge off of you for a free ride.
But, be careful, if she takes you to court and you haven't a good attorney you may get the short end of the stick. Courts usually side with the mother even if she's a piece of dirt it seems. So get all your ducks in a row and prepare for real battle. I'm not saying this to scare you, just to inform you what may happen. It doesn't mean it will, just wanted to prepare you for the worst.

 

[DrT999]

If you feel you are in the right (as it seems from what you've said), don't let her emotinally blackmail you. Are you able and willing to take full time care of your son if she is unwilling/unable to do so? If so, you are in a strong position