Jimbo
Active member
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2009
- Messages
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There is a particular tobacco reviewer on TR who often makes me laugh he reviews a tobacco he does not like. Thought I'd share some excerpts from some of his reviews just for grins. I did not include the names of the tobaccos in order to protect the innocent.
***
I got this as a sample from Mike at Mars many years ago. When I figure out what I did to [tick] him off, I will apologize profusely…After several hours of drying, I loaded and lit up. That was my first mistake…Shortly after reaching cruising altitude, the flavor of the topping began to concentrate. I'm used to these flavors burning off. Not this one. The syrupy, medical flavor and aroma started getting very assertive. I returned my table and seat back to their upright positions.
***
I enjoy chopping things up, like ropes and plugs of tobacco. I can't decide if this is a good waste of bad tobacco, or a bad waste of good tobacco. A brutal head butt of a smoke with no subtle aspects.
***
Tried it again just for giggles. The only one giggling was the evil little creep that sold it to me. Sometimes memories should just stay memories.
***
Vile. It does possess some aerodynamic virtues. When I "skipped" this across the surface of my pond, I got four perfect bounces before it sunk. A few minutes later the entire pond was awash in dead amphibian creatures. How am I going to get the smell out of all those fish?
***
So THIS is what horse doody tastes like! After one bowl of this I felt a strange urge to stop bathing, worship Jerry Lewis, eat cheese, act superior and surrender to the nearest gendarme.
***
This is tobacco? Pretty to look at, and looks like quality leaf. Durn shame they treated it like a rented mule. The mule smells better, IMHO…I let the cat take a few puffs on the pipe and he started licking his butt. Probably to get the taste out of his mouth….Room Note: Janitorial and mausoleum like. I see dead people.
***
I remember the old geezers smoking this stuff when it came in a paper pouch. Just the smell put me on one knee. When I first smoked it, it put me on both knees. They had to rock my head back and forth to get my lips unstuck from the bathroom tiles.
Crikey!
This is some serious stuff, especially if you're a twelve year old boy.
Forty years later and it still hasn't learned any manners. How you can tell if it's fresh or not escapes me.
"Mind if I smoke?"
"Not at all. Mind if I puke?"
Made when men were men, and sheep were terrified.
***
Heinous.
***
…this one had me crying "uncle" almost before I had it loaded and lit. It is one tough little chunk of...some bizzare mutant offspring of tobacco and kryptonite, dipped in tar and patchouli. It smells just like a walk down any street in Berekely...un-washed "human beings" doused in that sixties era substitute for personal hygiene. Yech.
After ruining a perfectly good afternoon and a few formerly sharp knives, then running this...this...whatever through a coffee grinder, then drying it out forever, I was left with something I thought would be smokable. I was very, very wrong. I loaded it up in a corn cob of dubious heritage, then sat back for a relaxing smoke...not...I worked so hard getting it lit, I needed a crash helmet and a drool bucket. I ended up putting a few pellets of aquarium charcoal on top, fired up with a cigar torch and finally got a few puffs. Turns out the charcoal pellets tasted better than the hash, I mean tobacco. When the tobacco analog finally caught fire, I was overwhelmed with a sense of impending doom. I managed to struggle through a few more puffs. I threw the cob into my neighbors trash, chewed a few charcoal pellets, gargled with some Tabasco and chewed a few more pellets and a habanero.
I did't get the taste out of my mouth, but the guys in the ambulance and in the ER were very nice.
***
Tin Aroma: Yep. Smells like tin.
Flavor: I think the flavor is in the witness protection program. I couldn't find any.
***
I trust I did not offend anyone with this post. Just mark it up to the old adage "It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round." All kinds of tobacco, and all kinds of reviewers!
***
I got this as a sample from Mike at Mars many years ago. When I figure out what I did to [tick] him off, I will apologize profusely…After several hours of drying, I loaded and lit up. That was my first mistake…Shortly after reaching cruising altitude, the flavor of the topping began to concentrate. I'm used to these flavors burning off. Not this one. The syrupy, medical flavor and aroma started getting very assertive. I returned my table and seat back to their upright positions.
***
I enjoy chopping things up, like ropes and plugs of tobacco. I can't decide if this is a good waste of bad tobacco, or a bad waste of good tobacco. A brutal head butt of a smoke with no subtle aspects.
***
Tried it again just for giggles. The only one giggling was the evil little creep that sold it to me. Sometimes memories should just stay memories.
***
Vile. It does possess some aerodynamic virtues. When I "skipped" this across the surface of my pond, I got four perfect bounces before it sunk. A few minutes later the entire pond was awash in dead amphibian creatures. How am I going to get the smell out of all those fish?
***
So THIS is what horse doody tastes like! After one bowl of this I felt a strange urge to stop bathing, worship Jerry Lewis, eat cheese, act superior and surrender to the nearest gendarme.
***
This is tobacco? Pretty to look at, and looks like quality leaf. Durn shame they treated it like a rented mule. The mule smells better, IMHO…I let the cat take a few puffs on the pipe and he started licking his butt. Probably to get the taste out of his mouth….Room Note: Janitorial and mausoleum like. I see dead people.
***
I remember the old geezers smoking this stuff when it came in a paper pouch. Just the smell put me on one knee. When I first smoked it, it put me on both knees. They had to rock my head back and forth to get my lips unstuck from the bathroom tiles.
Crikey!
This is some serious stuff, especially if you're a twelve year old boy.
Forty years later and it still hasn't learned any manners. How you can tell if it's fresh or not escapes me.
"Mind if I smoke?"
"Not at all. Mind if I puke?"
Made when men were men, and sheep were terrified.
***
Heinous.
***
…this one had me crying "uncle" almost before I had it loaded and lit. It is one tough little chunk of...some bizzare mutant offspring of tobacco and kryptonite, dipped in tar and patchouli. It smells just like a walk down any street in Berekely...un-washed "human beings" doused in that sixties era substitute for personal hygiene. Yech.
After ruining a perfectly good afternoon and a few formerly sharp knives, then running this...this...whatever through a coffee grinder, then drying it out forever, I was left with something I thought would be smokable. I was very, very wrong. I loaded it up in a corn cob of dubious heritage, then sat back for a relaxing smoke...not...I worked so hard getting it lit, I needed a crash helmet and a drool bucket. I ended up putting a few pellets of aquarium charcoal on top, fired up with a cigar torch and finally got a few puffs. Turns out the charcoal pellets tasted better than the hash, I mean tobacco. When the tobacco analog finally caught fire, I was overwhelmed with a sense of impending doom. I managed to struggle through a few more puffs. I threw the cob into my neighbors trash, chewed a few charcoal pellets, gargled with some Tabasco and chewed a few more pellets and a habanero.
I did't get the taste out of my mouth, but the guys in the ambulance and in the ER were very nice.
***
Tin Aroma: Yep. Smells like tin.
Flavor: I think the flavor is in the witness protection program. I couldn't find any.
***
I trust I did not offend anyone with this post. Just mark it up to the old adage "It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round." All kinds of tobacco, and all kinds of reviewers!
