Briarbabe
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2013
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So, I'm not new, but I have been MIA for quite sometime now due to life being, well life like. I thought I'd take a minute to say hello and reintroduce myself because I'm sure there are lots of new people here since the universe decided to take me on a crazy roller coaster ride.
My mom passed away on Valentine's day in the morning. Some of you already know this. She passed peacefully in her bed at 9:02 with my (step)Dad and her baby sister by her side. It was a huge blessing as she had been battling this cancer for 2.5 years and when she did decline it went fast. I get my stubbornness from my mom. When her pain relievers were starting to make her lose control over her mind I imagine she had an internal conversation with herself that was something like, "Well this is just ridiculous, if you can't get it together enough to ask for ice chips, well then you'd just better let go already." And she did. And as crazy as it sounds, that thought makes me happy. My mom died peacefully, and because of that I have peace as well.
There was lots of family drama, of course, leading up to her funeral. Including a rather heated argument between my aunt and I in which she wanted to know why on earth I wanted any of my mother's Christmas stuff as I was an atheist and why do I bother celebrating Christmas anyway and blah, blah, blah. I was basically shut out from being present for my own mothers funeral prep because I'm no longer part of the Christian club. I didn't want to change anything, just simply be present so I knew what was going on, what mom wanted. My mother's faith was incredibly important to her and I respect and admire that a great deal. Anyway, the celebration of life service that mom had planned was beautiful and more joyous than sad. Standing room only and close to 200 people in that church. Mom loved and was loved by so many.
On February 1st, I moved in with my sweetie because I lost my job and couldn't afford the place I was living. I literally had to turn around and go straight home to NY and be with mom until she passed. Now that the funeral is over I'm back home and I am finally able to unpack and look for a crappy retail job (something I'm secretly excited about).
I also made the decision a while back to become the weekend parent in an effort to give myself a real chance at starting over and getting my butt into school finally so I can provide properly for my family. It's been the single hardest decision I've ever made in my life, but I know it's for the best and I know it was the right one. I'm currently looking into Penn State (as it's quite literally minutes from my new home) for either ultra sound or radiology tech. Good money and I can pretty much get a job anywhere, so it will be good for my family. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. I thought I gave up the dream to go to college at age 16 when I got a positive pregnancy test. Now it looks like my daughter and I will be going to school at the same time and both in the medical field. Life is amazing isn't it?
I've been back from NY for nearly a week now and filling out very long and silly online applications for jobs. Some of the questions they ask for doing things like selling women's clothes and make up or pushing fancy cheese at the grocery store, you'd think they were interviewing you to marry one of their children!
What else? Oh yeah, my dad (birth) sat my step mom down on Jan 1st and told her he didn't love her anymore and was having an affair. This was after 20 years of marriage. Ugh. I'm so done with his nonsense. He's well into his 70's and still behaves like a child. He moved out and hasn't bothered to contact me at all. So, thanks dad for letting me know exactly where I stand with you. It makes it all the easier for me to say I'm done. Peace to you, please stay away from me.
Watching my mom die with several of her dreams unfulfilled, ones that could have easily been fulfilled has made me really take a look at my life. So, I'm also doing some things that I have been putting off for way too long. I'm learning how to ride a motorcycle this spring. I'm saving up to buy my project car. I'm telling all the special people in my life that I love them every.single.time I see them. I'm writing more letters. Snail mail. I'm planning to do more things with my kiddos in the time that I do have them. Seeing how the very fabric of my little family is changing simply because my oldest is going off to college really makes me see how every single minute we spend together is precious. And I'm writing. It's my dream to do this for a living someday. So I'm writing every single day.
And I'm smoking my pipes. Blast this stupid cold winter that will not go away! It's cold outside! I've taken a lot of comfort though lately in standing under a black sky pin pricked with white stars and sending my tendrils of tasty smoke curling up to the heavens. Missed you guys.
My mom passed away on Valentine's day in the morning. Some of you already know this. She passed peacefully in her bed at 9:02 with my (step)Dad and her baby sister by her side. It was a huge blessing as she had been battling this cancer for 2.5 years and when she did decline it went fast. I get my stubbornness from my mom. When her pain relievers were starting to make her lose control over her mind I imagine she had an internal conversation with herself that was something like, "Well this is just ridiculous, if you can't get it together enough to ask for ice chips, well then you'd just better let go already." And she did. And as crazy as it sounds, that thought makes me happy. My mom died peacefully, and because of that I have peace as well.
There was lots of family drama, of course, leading up to her funeral. Including a rather heated argument between my aunt and I in which she wanted to know why on earth I wanted any of my mother's Christmas stuff as I was an atheist and why do I bother celebrating Christmas anyway and blah, blah, blah. I was basically shut out from being present for my own mothers funeral prep because I'm no longer part of the Christian club. I didn't want to change anything, just simply be present so I knew what was going on, what mom wanted. My mother's faith was incredibly important to her and I respect and admire that a great deal. Anyway, the celebration of life service that mom had planned was beautiful and more joyous than sad. Standing room only and close to 200 people in that church. Mom loved and was loved by so many.
On February 1st, I moved in with my sweetie because I lost my job and couldn't afford the place I was living. I literally had to turn around and go straight home to NY and be with mom until she passed. Now that the funeral is over I'm back home and I am finally able to unpack and look for a crappy retail job (something I'm secretly excited about).
I also made the decision a while back to become the weekend parent in an effort to give myself a real chance at starting over and getting my butt into school finally so I can provide properly for my family. It's been the single hardest decision I've ever made in my life, but I know it's for the best and I know it was the right one. I'm currently looking into Penn State (as it's quite literally minutes from my new home) for either ultra sound or radiology tech. Good money and I can pretty much get a job anywhere, so it will be good for my family. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. I thought I gave up the dream to go to college at age 16 when I got a positive pregnancy test. Now it looks like my daughter and I will be going to school at the same time and both in the medical field. Life is amazing isn't it?
I've been back from NY for nearly a week now and filling out very long and silly online applications for jobs. Some of the questions they ask for doing things like selling women's clothes and make up or pushing fancy cheese at the grocery store, you'd think they were interviewing you to marry one of their children!
What else? Oh yeah, my dad (birth) sat my step mom down on Jan 1st and told her he didn't love her anymore and was having an affair. This was after 20 years of marriage. Ugh. I'm so done with his nonsense. He's well into his 70's and still behaves like a child. He moved out and hasn't bothered to contact me at all. So, thanks dad for letting me know exactly where I stand with you. It makes it all the easier for me to say I'm done. Peace to you, please stay away from me.
Watching my mom die with several of her dreams unfulfilled, ones that could have easily been fulfilled has made me really take a look at my life. So, I'm also doing some things that I have been putting off for way too long. I'm learning how to ride a motorcycle this spring. I'm saving up to buy my project car. I'm telling all the special people in my life that I love them every.single.time I see them. I'm writing more letters. Snail mail. I'm planning to do more things with my kiddos in the time that I do have them. Seeing how the very fabric of my little family is changing simply because my oldest is going off to college really makes me see how every single minute we spend together is precious. And I'm writing. It's my dream to do this for a living someday. So I'm writing every single day.
And I'm smoking my pipes. Blast this stupid cold winter that will not go away! It's cold outside! I've taken a lot of comfort though lately in standing under a black sky pin pricked with white stars and sending my tendrils of tasty smoke curling up to the heavens. Missed you guys.
