In case you missed it --
1. There's no white trash like Baltimore white trash. I've lived in Maryland for eight years and I can tell you that northern Maryland white trash occupies its own distinct niche. It's as if the suburban Baltimore area were populated exclusively by fifth-grade gym teachers.
These people have NO sense of humor, nor any sense of self-deprecation. That's how you end up with a fan base that engages in a comical level of collective paranoia. Ravens fans like to pretend that they're the U. Miami of the NFL. THEY'RE OUTLAWS! EVERYBODY'S OUT TO GET THEM! The refs have it in for the Ravens. The NFL has it in for the Ravens. Dan Rooney and his owner friends have it in for the Ravens. This pre-supposes that people actually give a shit about the Ravens. They don't. The Ravens are a nothing franchise. They're the Team That Shouldn't Be. Baltimoreans have willed themselves to like this team even though they know, deep in their heart, it isn't theirs. In a perfect NFL world, the Colts are still in Baltimore, the Browns are still the Browns, and Indianapolis remains a raging tire fire in the center of flyover country. These replacement Colts will never be as lovable to the rest of the NFL as the Baltimore Colts were. They're the unwanted replacements. They're the Sammy Hagar of NFL teams.
Whoa hey, did someone say Sammy Hagar? BOBBY FROM TOWSON SAYS, TURN THAT SHIT UP !
3. There's no guaranteeing that John Harbaugh will know that he has a timeout left. Seriously, man. Get your affairs in order . . .
Fan Commentary :
Baltimore has the most insufferable fans on the f'g planet. Granted, losing our beloved Colts to those mouth breathing, inbred hicks in Indy sucked...but it's f'g annoying hearing a 14-year-old kid bring it up who can't spell "Atlas," let alone use one to find Indianapolis. The refs, the league, the media, the beer guy who cut you off during the second quarter because they vomited on a child...they are all out to screw the poor Ravens fan. I also love the older fans who remembers the Colts leaving, still hold a huge grudge about it, but gets annoyed about Browns fans bringing up Baltimore's actions in getting the team.
The lack of self-awareness among the fan base is f'g breathtaking. Apparently that God awful purple camo shit is considered now to be formal attire in many circles. I shit you not...I have been to weddings, funerals, and business meetings where mouth breathers have shown up in jerseys and camo pants. And the local celebrated accent isn't a f'g accent. It's a symptom of rampant inbreeding and lead poisoning. I never realized it until I did a six-year stint away from Baltimore while in the military. The average Ravens fan can't tell the difference between On Sides or vehicular manslaughter but no matter what...it's a bullshit call unless it goes the Ravens way. Watching a football with a Ravens fan is an insufferable experience. No matter what the team is doing, the fans are clamoring for them to do the opposite. Dominating running game to match the tight defense...WHY AREN'T WE THROWING IT 60 TIMES A GAME!?!
To a Ravens fan, Hines Ward and Ben Roethlisberger are/were overrated, cheap shot artists who are scum...but every single Ravens fan would gladly have them on the team in a heartbeat. Ray Lewis' involvement in the Atlanta murders...complete misunderstanding and the media targeting a big name athlete for no reason. Big Ben...SERIAL RAPIST! It is so hilarious how Steeler and Ravens fans hate each other because they are mirror images. It's like watching two retards dry hump the opposite end of a couch, shouting insults to each other.
Oh and the local hate on Flacco is insane. He is Dan f'g Marino compared to some of the clowns we have suffered through.
http://deadspin.com/5934703/why-your-team-sucks-2012-baltimore-ravens
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